#let’s all take a moment to remember that until his death (and even after) remus is LUPIN in harry’s mind

[padfootswhiskers]

it’s so funny to me that remus didn’t write harry even once during GoF, a year that began with the dark mark at a public event, a ministry official disappearance and an underage harry being chosen for an extremely dangerous tournament

meanwhile sirius, a convicted criminal, snuck into hogsmeade and lived off rats because he wanted to be there for harry

[danaewrites]

you with the dark curls (you with the watercolor eyes)

part i: and while you were asleep, i was surely awake

james potter x reader // read it on AO3

word count: 2.8k

summary: “Falling in love with your best friend was never a good idea, but you’d managed to do the idiot thing anyway, carrying a torch for a boy who would never look past Lily’s emerald eyes to see the watercolor ones that had always been by his side.”

tags: best friends to lovers, angst with a happy ending, based on the song "dear arkansas daughter" by lady lamb, fem!reader

author's notes: hii y'all, sorry for not posting in a year :P my only excuse is that i didn't feel like taking the energy to actually write out my story ideas. also perfectionism. anyway i somehow wrote this in two hours while procrastinating my college app essays and have plans to make this a multi-chapter fic despite intending to write an angsty oneshot request for a completely different fandom (i see you, beloved anons, and i raise you this completely unrelated fic <3)… the brain of a writer works in mysterious ways.

read it all here: part i, part ii, part iii (coming soon!)

You were in love with James Potter.

It was a fact of life, just like how the sky was blue, or that his favorite dessert was treacle tart, or that you were the only person he’d ever let see him cry besides his mother. You’d loved him from the moment you met him on the train to Hogwarts as a shy, anxious muggleborn unsure of the new world of magic and prejudice you’d been thrown into without so much as a warning. He hadn’t cared at all about your blood status- didn’t even think to ask about it. He had launched himself into your compartment and began talking at you a mile a minute, beaming with every tooth showing once he found out you were hoping to get into Gryffindor, his hazel eyes alight with the joy of making a new friend. And friends indeed you had become; you were proud to remember that you’d known him before Sirius or Remus or Peter did, though it took only an instant after the Sorting for him to become best mates with the rest of them, too.

You and James were inseparable from that moment on, giggling at Professor Binns’ failure to notice Sirius’ antics in the back of class and reassuring each other when home seemed too far away for comfort. He stole sweets from the Slytherin table for you at meals, and you covered for him when the teachers almost caught him pranking Snape– after all, who would believe that sweet, innocent Y/n would ever be involved in such shenanigans? The soft-spoken demeanor and love of everything pastel you’d thought would eventually oust you from the close-knit Gryffindor boys’ group proved to be quite the useful asset when affirming their ‘innocence’.

Not that they only wanted you around because you were helpful, of course. You had quite the talent for exaggerating stories until even Sirius fell off his seat laughing in disbelief, and your creative mind made for some glorious pranks and entertaining mistakes. Peter would blush for an hour straight if anyone mentioned The Great Plum Pudding Incident of Christmas 1974, all thanks to your clever meddling. And Remus– well, he was eternally grateful for your mother-henning during the worst of his moon cycles. You’d been the first to figure out his “furry little problem”, and upon learning that enjoying chocolate was his favorite method of escapism, showed up every month without fail with an armful of Honeydukes sweets. The little ways in which you loved each Marauder meant the world to them. They would do anything to protect you and make sure you were okay, James most of all. You often teased James that he was more bodyguard than friend, with his deep glares at too-forward Hufflepuff boys masking the big softie you knew he was underneath. You remembered fondly the summer days he spent chasing you around your house, scaring your mother half to death with his colander-and-pot ‘armor’ as he declared that as a chivalrous knight, he was meant to save Princess Y/n from the terrible Acromantula King. Privately, you thought James had a few too many Arthurian legends for bedtime stories as a child, but what could you do?

Even now, as sixth years, the bond between you and James never changed, your love for him ever-growing. Your heart melted every time you glanced over your shoulder in the hallway, only to find him chatting softly with a sniffling first-year and guiding them to Professor Sprout’s office for a hot cuppa and a biscuit. You cheered at his Quidditch victories and were euphorically lifted up onto his broad shoulders afterward, whooping as he galavanted through the common room in celebration. You were there when he needed a shoulder to cry on when his grandfather died, softly stroking his hair as he fell asleep in your lap with tear tracks still running down his face. And he adored you in return– braiding your hair while you worked on Herbology essays, racing you on his beloved broom when you stayed with him during the summer, distracting you from your rants about Slughorn’s unfair grading with a trip to the kitchens and a blissfully soft blanket.

James was your lifeline and you his– and nothing in the world could change that.

Except, perhaps, one tiny little complication. A complication with vibrant red hair, sparkling green eyes, and a natural affinity for Potions. A complication that had sparked your jealousy since the first time you noticed James glancing dreamily at Lily Evans in second year Transfiguration, jealousy that had only gotten worse with his grand declarations of love every week. He’d begun to announce his affection for the muggleborn to anyone who would listen in third year, and it didn’t stop there. No, when James Potter loved someone, he loved hard, and that meant that you had to watch as beautiful bouquets appeared on Lily’s nightstand nightly while the rest of the girls in your dorm whispered and swooned. You were a wallflower when he sighed about how lovely her skin was and how bloody talented she was at everything she did during one of your late-night chats in the common room, curling in on yourself with every word he spoke. When he asked her to Hogsmeade the first time (and the second, and the third, and the fiftieth), you observed as she rolled her eyes and shoved past him, despite the small smile on her face.

It wasn’t that Lily wasn’t smart or pretty or talented– far from it. She deserved every good Potions grade she got, and even the pureblood Slytherins begrudgingly noted how she was the darling of Hogwarts society. But you thought that the way she treated your best friend, refusing his advances quite harshly but sending him flirtatious glances and making a show of wearing his flowers in her hair, was rather unkind and misleading. She had James wrapped around her little finger and didn’t seem to want to let go of his attention anytime soon, despite Snape’s protests about how much time he was spending with her. You disliked Severus, but didn’t think he deserved Lily’s bad treatment either. Sometimes you’d see him staring at James and Lily deep in conversation, and shoot him a glance of communal disappointment– before realizing who you were sharing the moment with and resuming an expression of disgust, at least.

At first, you ignored your growing angst about his new obsession, chalking it up to sleep deprivation, stress over your upcoming exams, and even your monthly. But when you started to run out of excuses for the despair slowly overtaking your heart and flashes of his dark curls began to appear in your sweetest dreams, you were forced to admit that your feelings for James ran much deeper than a platonic friendship. From the way he spun you around in the snow to the way he snorted at Remus’ awful puns, you were head-over-heels smitten with your best friend.

The way he’d filled out since the end of fourth year hadn’t escaped your notice, either; you were pretty sure that his pecs should be considered a traffic hazard, with the way you’d fallen flat on your face after seeing him shirtless after a match. He’d rushed over to clean up every one of your injuries, of course, with a touch so gentle it released a whole menagerie of butterflies in your stomach. You’d barely managed to mumble a coherent thank-you before sprinting to take a very cold shower and scream into your pillow with embarrassment. How on earth did Lily Evans even think around him?!

Alas, you’d read your fair share of romance novels, and you knew how this story would end. Falling in love with your best friend was never a good idea, but you’d managed to do the idiot thing anyway, carrying a torch for a boy who would never look past Lily’s emerald eyes to see the watercolor ones that had always been by his side.

That was the state Sirius found you in, broody and lost in thought in a quiet corner of the library. He grinned rakishly, planting a well-polished boot on a nearby chair and leaning over to tap your forehead. “Lots going on in there today, huh?”

You snapped out of your daze and smiled sheepishly up at him. “Sorry, Siri, didn’t mean to ignore you. Just, er, thinking about my Potions essay, do you know how many uses there are for mandelwort? Quite fascinating plants, hones–”

Sirius winced and slid back far across the table. “Oh, no, you are not discussing horrid Potions work with me today when there are so many other wonderful topics.” He gestured to a table of swooning fifth-years gazing dreamily at his backside. “For example, those lovely ladies,” he crooned, sending an exaggerated wink towards them and smirking when they sighed.

You wrinkled your nose and scoffed. “Oh, please, as if I haven’t heard enough about your conquests already. I’m already scarred for life from your stories about that Belgium Veela, let alone the muggle sailor you nearly broke the Statute of Secrecy for.”

He waved a hand, dismissing your allegations of the mental injury caused by his excruciating attention to sordid detail when slightly tipsy in the common room. You made a mental note to charm his shampoo to turn his hair bright lavender for the next week for that little snub. Although, being Sirius, he’d probably just use it as an excuse to sway the rest of the Hogwarts population into going to Hogsmeade with him. “Ah, but darling Y/n, that’s what I’m here for!” He furrowed his brow and stroked his chin in mock consideration. “However, I can’t seem to recall a time when you–” here he poked you in the cheek for emphasis– “confessed to a little tete-a-tete in the hallway. Ever. Which means we have a problem,” he grinned.

You felt rather like prey being hunted for sport. “That would be because I’m not interested in anyone, you dolt!” Crossing your arms, you turned your face back towards your homework. Maybe if you denied romantic interest for long enough, Sirius would leave you alone and go flounce off to flirt with the noisy table of fourth years. “Anyway, I heard Marlene’s been circling Dorcas like a lovesick pigeon lately, so perhaps you should be putting your matchmaking efforts to her benefit instead.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “C’mon doll, I know you weren’t actually thinking about Potions when I arrived. Who’s the lead actor in those fantasies, mm?” He snatched up your favorite pink gel pen, twirling around his fingers as he looked at you expectantly.

Drat. He wouldn’t be so easily distracted with the latest gossip. You opened your mouth to protest yet again when you caught a flash of red over Sirius’ artfully tousled locks. You watched as James strode up to the alcove where Lily and her friends were studying, transfigured a sheet of parchment into a butterfly clip and held it out to her with a grin. Her laughter pealed out through the library as she let him lean over her shoulder to place it in her hair. He seemed oblivious to the titters of the girls around him while he gazed at Lily adoringly. You felt your heart clench as you recognized the expression on his face; you’d seen it on your own in the mirror after spending time with James, after all. And it seemed like maybe Lily was finally starting to be swayed into accepting his starry-eyed proposals, if the pretty blush on her cheeks was anything to go by.

Sirius tracked your despairing gaze to the couple and immediately paled in realization. “Oh, shit.”

Shit, indeed. Your face turned bright red as you scrambled to pack your bag and leave the area as fast as you possibly could, not sure how you could face Sirius knowing your deepest secret now. The boy had no self-control, fueling the Hogwarts gossip mill with the wild stories he overheard, and he had even less discretion when confessing things to his friends around the common room fire. It’s no wonder he wound up in Gryffindor, you thought miserably. There’s no way he’d be able to keep a secret like the rest of the Slytherins, and definitely not from James. It would only be a matter of time before he let it slip about your feelings to the rest of the Marauders, and— well, you’d just have to face losing your best friend for good once he heard.

Sirius broke your train of thought by wrapping his hands around yours, looking up at you with concern. “Hey, doll, wait— I didn’t know—“

You sniffed and wiped the tears threatening to fall from your eyes away fiercely. “That’s exactly it, Sirius, you didn’t know because you won’t be able to keep it from James.”

He looked guiltily down at the table. “I’m sorry. I’ve been a bit of a git with keeping things private lately, yeah?”

You nodded, covering your face with your hands. Sirius reached out, placing them back down on the table, and softly said, “Listen, I shouldn’t have pried so hard. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.” He broke off, pausing to scramble for a handkerchief from his bag to wipe off your rapidly disintegrating mascara. “And I promise not to breathe a word of this to James,” he finished.

You looked up at him, startled. “Are you serious?” At his answering grin, you groaned. “Don’t answer that. But really, are you sure that you’ll be able to resist telling him everything?” You fiddled with the now-soiled handkerchief and whispered, “You two are so close, I don’t want to drive you apart. If James thought you were hiding something important from him, it would destroy him,” you sniffed.

He frowned. “Doll, you know you’re just as important as James is to me, right?” At your answering slump, his jaw clenched and he continued on with more intensity. “You’re like my sister, Y/n, there’s nothing you could do to make me care for you less. Especially not asking for your privacy. Clearly, I haven’t been treating you as well as you deserve if you doubt that.”

He walked around and took a seat in the armchair next to you, pulling you in to lean on his shoulder. “And I can be discreet, you know. I might not show it often, but growing up in a family of the most intensely secretive purebloods ever to exist taught me a few things.” You glanced at him doubtfully, the tiny quirk of your mouth the only sign that you were joking. “Hey, I’m being serious!” He laughed, then quieted suddenly. “This thing with James— you really love him, don’t you?”

You gave him an exasperated look out of the corner of your eye. Sirius released a breath and gazed deeply into the space in front of him. “Hey, we’ll figure this out together, okay?” He poked you in the side. “If he’s too focused on the smell of Evans’ hair or whatever to see that he already has the perfect girl in front of him, he’s not as smart as you think he is.” You giggled slightly, his words warming you. Sirius smiled, happy to see you cheering up a bit.

“Why don’t we go raid the kitchens? The coolest person I know once told me that elf-crafted mint chocolate chip ice cream is the best way to heal a broken heart,” he teased. You groaned, remembering how you’d told him that as a last resort to get him to stop complaining about how he missed his sailor ex-boyfriend every time you two went to Hogsmeade. At least your random advice wound up benefiting you now, you thought as you collected the last of your stationery and exited the library.

Neither you nor Sirius saw how James watched you smile up at Sirius as you walked away, holding his arm and laughing loudly at something he muttered. Anna Dumotier, a Hufflepuff fifth-year and one of Lily’s friends, would remember later that night how he seemed to tune out Lily’s voice for a moment and stared at the doors to the library with a strange expression on his face. His brows were furrowed like he was trying to decipher the answer to an unfamiliar puzzle, his eyes widened with confusion and a glint of something she could only identify as jealousy before Lily brought him back to the conversation with a graceful flip of her hair. But no— she shook her head— that couldn’t be right. What could James possibly be jealous of when he finally had the girl of his dreams in his arms?

taglist: @magpiencrow @that-kid143 @lilly-aliyah @itmustbegreattobecalledtheitgirl

comment if you'd like to be tagged for any of my works/fandoms in the future! :)

read on: part ii

[missgryffin]

lying in wait

Randomly listened to some Hamilton over the weekend, ended up with "Wait For It" stuck in my head, and wrote this in a couple hours today. I think it's angst, but with a nice dash of crack? Idk 😅 But I hope it makes you smile! 🫶 below + AO3

November 3, 1981

The cottage is silent, save for the ticking of the old grandfather clock in the hall, and it’s already pitch dark, with only the faint glow of street lamps and budding moonlight shining in through rain-slicked windows. 

Lily draws up her knees to her chest where she sits on the sofa, peering mindlessly into blurry windowpane. She doesn’t remember the last time she walked aimlessly down a road, or went into a shop. Sometimes, on stormy autumn nights like this, she wonders if she ever will again. 

Footsteps tumble down the stairs, then come to an abrupt halt. 

“Lil?” She can see his shadowed outline, one hand in his hair. “You just…sitting in the dark?”

She shrugs, though he probably can’t see, and asks, “Harry went down alright, then?” 

James chuckles to himself as he crosses the room, picking his way around the furniture until he drops onto the sofa next to her. “After reading every book twice and playing the Snitch game for thirty minutes…yes.” He leans closer, grinning. “Our son is asleep.” 

She rests a hand on his scruffy cheek. “It’s only supposed to be ten minutes of the Snitch game,” she teases him. 

“I know,” James sighs. “But he asked for ten more.” 

Lily snorts. “What, and then ten more after that?” 

He throws his hands weakly in his lap. “Wha—am I supposed to say no to the kid? He looks just like me!” 

She falls into him, a laughing heap, and for a moment, they simply giggle deliriously together. It’s nice. It’s normal. Or at least a sliver of it.

James cuddles her into him, and Lily breaths him in. They’ve lost so many over the few years since Hogwarts, but they still have each other. She clings on to that, to him.

“I love you,” she says into his chest. 

He kisses the top of her head. “I love you, too.”

A stretching silence; a heavy sigh. “It’s his birthday.” 

“I know,” James murmurs. “I can’t stop thinking about him.” 

Lily peels herself off his chest and swings a leg over his lap, sitting with her arms looped around his neck. How many conversations have they had over the years while sitting just like this? How many more will they get? 

“He said he’d be in touch by today.” Her mind won’t stop racing. “What if this was a bad id—” 

“It wasn’t,” James cuts her off. “Besides.” A heavy sigh. “It was…our only idea.”

“Do you think…” She pauses, plays with his hair. “Do you think we…did the right thing?” 

He sits up straighter, pulling her closer against him. “You’re the only two people in my life I know I can trust completely,” he says. “So yeah, I think we did.” 

There’s no use rehashing it again; they’ve done that enough. Yes, he now has a target on his back, but it’s not like he wasn’t already a target before. No, it couldn’t have been anyone else—not Albus, who knows more than he’s saying; not Remus, whom Albus and Sirius both suspect; and not Peter, who’s been looking exhausted and strung-out from the night-shift reconnaissance he’s been assigned. Yes, he had to leave. And no, it wasn’t cowardly to do so.

Granted, that last bit had taken a not insignificant amount of convincing (damned Gryffindor), but he eventually came around to their idea. Staying around in England with Voldemort sure to be onto him was certain death. But why not take advantage of being top of Voldemort’s mind? Why make it easy, when instead he could make it hard? Give the Order a leg up? Let them use him (or rather, the idea of him) as bait to lure and manipulate all the Death Eaters looking for him, and maybe even root out the spy in the process? And really, if anyone was going to lead Voldemort on a wild goose chase, setting traps and lying in wait, who better than Sirius Black?

Still, she worries. She can’t help it. And she knows James worries too, even if he does do a better job of hiding it. 

There’s only one thing left to do, really; only one way to pass the time sufficiently distracted from racing thoughts. James must read her mind, because he’s all eager hands and excited tongue when she kisses him. Maybe it’s unhealthy, how much they’ve used sex to cope the past year. But when his mouth feels like this and hair’s in her hands…she’s not sure she cares.

“Prongs!”

They jump, springing apart like they’re fifth years caught after curfew. James swears under his breath as they fumble to right the clothes they’d started shoving aside before he reaches for the small mirror sitting on the coffee table.

“Padfoot!” 

Lily frantically feels around the sofa for her wand. 

“Why’s it so dar—oh, don’t tell me you were just—”

“We were waiting for you,” James covers. 

“Mate. That’s worse. Just say you were shagging.” 

“Well, we weren’t yet.”

“Hi, Sirius.” She brandishes her now-glowing wand, recovered from the seam between the cushions. 

“Lily! Looking rumpled as ever!” 

She yanks her cardigan back up her shoulder as she scolds, “Shut it.”

“I miss you, too.” 

They can only see Sirius’s chin in frame, and it seems like he’s moving around. 

“Happy birthday, man,” James says.

“Thanks.” 

“Where are you?” 

“Hang on—I have to show you—ready?” 

“Yeah?” 

His face comes into view and Lily instantly gasps. 

Sirius grins. “Like it?” 

His once shoulder-length hair’s been chopped off stylishly short in a fresh cut that makes him look like old Hollywood charm in that loose button-down he has on. 

“Damn, Pads!” 

“I…barely recognize you,” Lily stammers. 

“Well.” He adjusts the mirror closer to his face. “That’s sorta the point.” 

A heavy pit settles in her stomach. 

“How you been?” James asks. “Travel go okay?” 

“Yeah, fine.” Sirius shrugs. “I’ve been doing things the Muggle way—that Muggle Studies N.E.W.T.’s finally paying off, who woulda thought.”

“Where are you now?”

The mirror turns around, panning over an ocean-side city lit up with lights through a set of patio doors. “Cannes,” he says, and Lily hears the grin in his voice. The mirror turns back to his face. “I have access to money here, dad’s side of the family, in the French bank. And I figure…” He flops back atop a hotel bed, one hand beneath his head. “If Voldemort wants to come get me, he’ll just have to bring his snakey arse down to the beach, won’t he?”

They all bust up into snorting, wheezing laughter. It’s not normal; none of it’s normal. But laughing with her husband and their best friend like this is the closest to normal she’s felt in a long time, and she thinks, if this is how life has to be for awhile, she can live with it.

[icequeenoriginal]

Fairest of Them All

Pairings; (Implied) Prinxiety 

Warning: Crying, having bad thoughts, Remus, self-punishment, hurt/comfort, Roman angst, capslock, movie death mentioned (let me know if I missed anything)

Author’s Note: The saga of me making Roman every Disney princess continues! This one is a bit different because I am not actually putting the Sanders Sides characters in the Snow White story, you’ll see what I mean in a second. I hope you enjoy it. All feedback is appreciated. 

~

Roman likes fairytales. 

What’s not to like about them? They have princes, ballads, and the occasional dragon witch. The characters go on these amazing journeys where they can see beautiful places, wear beautiful outfits and meet beautiful people.

Best of all, they always had happy endings.

Roman loves happy endings. Happy endings mean that everyone is safe and happy. Where people fall in love. 

Where the prince’s efforts paid off. Where his family shows they care about him. Where no one thought he was evil. 

Roman wanted a happy ending. 

The happy ending where he would be told he did the right thing. The happy ending where he saved the day. The happy ending where he was Thomas’ hero again. 

But that did not seem likely.  

Not after the wedding, not after the argument, not after the whole “Janus” fiasco. 

Not after Janus confirming his worst fear. 

As Roman paced around his room, he knew he had to face the facts. There was no way he was Thomas’ hero now. 

Janus’ nod felt like a death sentence. The last thing he saw before his head would be chopped off while the crowd cheers for his death. Unwanted and rejected. 

And now there was nothing he could do. 

Well, not exactly. 

There was a lot he could do. He could ignore everyone and pretend that everything is okay. Continue to be himself. Not likely, as proven earlier when he tried practicing fake smiling in the mirror but only led to him breaking down. So that idea was out. 

He could yell at everyone, telling them what he really feels, especially to Janus. Terrible idea, as the events of today, have shown him. 

Option three is to answer Patton’s request to talk. Even though Patton had stopped knocking, Roman knew he was still standing behind the door.  Roman could see his shoes under the door. He knew Patton would listen to him, let him rant, and give him advice. He might even apologize. It seemed like the best option.

But he didn’t want to.

He didn’t want to listen to Patton now. He didn’t want to even get close to the door.

He wants to be angry. He wants to throw something. He wants to open the door just to slam it in Patton’s face. He wanted to be the villain they all thought he was.

The only thing he could compel himself to do was lay on the floor and cry. Cry until he could never cry again. He knew it wasn’t good for him...or maybe it was, he can’t remember Logan's lecture about cry at this moment. 

He couldn’t really think about anything, his head was too loud but all he could hear was static.. He felt like that would go on forever before his thoughts were interrupted by the soft melody of ‘One Song’. 

Roman looks over to see his Snow White music box. He silently watches Snow White and the Prince dance as the melody plays. He is not sure what activated the music but he appreciates it nonetheless. 

 As the song continues, Roman takes deep breathes, calming himself down. He manages to sit up all the way by the end. His breathing is finally back to normal and the tears seemed to stop. 

What did Logan say about distraction? That sometimes it was the healthy thing to do? God, that movie session seemed so long. He is going to miss those, now that everything’s different. 

Maybe watching Snow White would make him feel better. He could have a snack and cuddle with his stuffed animals while ignoring his feelings. 

There was only one problem, he would have to leave his room. Everything, including Thomas’ Snow White DVD, was in the living room/kitchen. He already promised himself that he wasn’t going to leave his room so that idea was thrown out the window. 

Before that thought could worsen his mood more, a bright light and the sound of a door being open caught his attention. 

The Imagination. 

Roman took a few moments to just stare at the bright white light. It practically begged him to come in and play. 

“Huh, that might not be a bad idea.” Roman thought to himself. He could make his own Snow White and having to focus to keep the world together would be an even better distraction. 

Roman pushes himself off the floor and he walks through. Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath as the blank white world fills with the scenery of the classic Disney film. 

He looks down to see he is wearing gray, faded ratty pants with different patches sewn into the pants leg. He turns to the window next to him to see he has an equally ratty shirt on. 

Huh, guess he is being Snow White. 

He didn’t intend to do that but there was no going back now. Not when he put so much effort into this already. Well, the imagination did anyway. It did that sometimes, give him what he wanted. Like it had a mind of its own. Like a friend he could always rely on.

He gives himself another once over before snapping a small navy blue bow clip in his hair. Details matter!

(It’s not technically accurate to the original, but he never really could stand to have a headband on for long.)

He checks over the castle, making sure every brick is as accurate to the movie as possible. He does the Evil Queen’s room last. He makes sure to get every spellbook and every vial.    

Now it was time for the evil Queen. 

But first, he had to take a moment to admire his work. Yeah, that’s the only reason. 

So he stared for an agonizing long time, until his eyes started to gloss over.

Roman sighs and rubs his face, he couldn’t put it off anymore. His mind immediately wanted to make Janus the Evil Queen but a sharp pain of guilt in his stomach made him stop. 

He knew that would be mean and vindictive. If someone walked in, they would tell him he was wrong, again. He is not sure he could handle that. 

That meant Remus was out too. Better to be safe than sorry. 

Any image of Patton flashed through his mind, but not Patton dressed in his normal attire. No, Patton dressed as the Evil Queen. 

Roman is nearly knocked over by the thought. He covers his mouth to suppress the sob that seems to come out of nowhere. 

“I thought I was done crying,” Roman thinks bitterly. 

Evil. Evil! EVIL! That was a thought only an evil person would have. To make Patton the villain, kind, sweet Patton just because he was mad at him. 

Maybe he was evil. 

He deserved to be punished. That’s what all villains deserved. 

He summons the Dragon-Witch to play the Evil Queen. This had to be the simplest choice. Why didn’t he think of this first?

Oh right, because he is a bad person. 

The Dragon Witch snarls at him, “With your father gone, I know have to run this Kingdom alone. You will no longer sit around. You will cook, clean, carry your weight around here.”

Roman silently nods. 

“You may be a prince but you are not my son.” Roman didn’t know why that stung so much. 

The dragon witch shoves a mop into Roman’s arms which Roman accepted without question. He stays silent as he heads out into the hall and begins to mop. 

He finds himself smiling. “This is perfect actually. Cleaning is good AND distracting. And, and it’s a punishment! This is perfect.”

Roman looks out the window and sees the wishing well. It was one of his favorite Disney songs. 

But…

Roman shook his head, he felt as though he didn’t deserve it. 

He would clean until he tires himself out and just ends the scene here. 

That, he felt, was good.

~

Remus, like any of the sides, was a fan of Disney. He loved all the hidden adult jokes and his absolute favorite movie was Tarzan with all its violence and that ending…

You know with the bad guy hanging around! Haha!

Remus had himself a good chuckle before checking over the scene in front of him. He seems Roman scrubbing the balcony of Snow White’s Castle as the Dragon Witch watches him disapprovingly. 

“Huh, This is...different,” Remus thought.

In the past, whenever Roman put himself into stories, especially Disney ones, he was the “brave and wonderful” prince, and Remus played the “vile and evil” villain. So to see Roman as the damsel was odd. 

That was the only thing off. He didn’t care that Roman never asked him to play anymore. 

It was out of character, he wasn’t actually concerned. 

He was just going to mess with Roman, that’s why he moved closer. That was the only reason. 

Turning himself into a dark black raven, Remus flies down and sits on the very wishing well that Roman was staring at, moments ago. 

He sits on the end of the wishing well and spots the Dragon Witch watching Roman in the window, she has a disapproving scowl on her face. Roman continues to clean the courtyard stairs though there is something very very off. 

Why wasn’t he singing?

Roman, Mister Disney extraordinaire and number one anti-remakes, was always faithful to the original, though he would make always make it gay. 

“It doesn’t count,” Roman would always argue, “I’m gay, Thomas is gay, we’re all gay, we don’t kiss girls”

Remus had seen this movie, as had every one of Thomas’ side, about a million times. The birds were in position but Roman was not singing. In fact, Roman starts to clean away from the wishing well. 

Well, that can’t be right. 

Remus observes Roman for almost half an hour before deciding that Roman has no intention to continue the story. 

“How boring!” Remus thinks, “What kind of story is ‘boy who cleans all day’? There’s no heart, no blood, no creativity! This will not do, no, no. Guess I have to make it fun.”

Remus flies swiftly by Roman, who barely even glances at him.  

He just continues to clean, clean, and clean. 

Just clean, clean, and clean...

~

Virgil drapes his left leg over the armrest closest to the kitchen and his right leg rests on the top of it. His head was just under the other couch’s arm. His right arm lays lazily over his chest as he holds his phone close to his neck while his left hand dangled near his bag of chips on the ground. 

Thomas was having a lazy day. It had been a few days since Lee and Mary Lee had visited and while an outsider might think things were all good now, Virgil knew better. Just because one good thing happened, doesn’t mean all the shitty other problems would magically go away. His job would be so much better if it did. 

A blind man could see how tense everyone was. Thomas was going through a lot and they all felt the effects of it. 

He honestly didn’t know what he specifically should be stressing about, there was that much stuff going on right now. 

Luckily, he didn’t have to pick because it was simply picked for him. One moment he was staring at the ceiling and the next moment, Remus is floating over him, smirking evilly. 

Virgil definitely DID NOT squeal as tumbled off the couch. That definitely DID NOT happen. 

Remus bursts into laughter as Virgil huffed and stood up. “Ohohohoho, how that never gets old.” 

Virgil rolls his eyes, “Yeah, great, hilarious. Are you done?”

“Not quite! I have so much more up my sleeve!” Remus announces as he pulls out a dead rat from his right sleeve. 

Virgil only blinked at him, too used to seeing things like this. “Okay, now are you done? I have a whole lot of nothing to be doing right now.”

“Actually, in a minute, you will have a whole lot of something to do.” 

Virgil audibly groans and pushes himself off of the couch, “Are you kidding me, Remus? What did you do now? This is possibly the worst time for you to do something to Thomas!” Virgil began to pace around the room sporadically. He opens and closes his fist as he does, trying to ground himself. 

He was so focused on that, that he didn’t notice that Remus wasn’t reacting to him at all. In fact, he was so still that he almost faded into the background. 

Once Virgil does realize, he stops and turns to Remus, “What? Why are you staring at me?”

“I’m waiting for you to shut up.” 

Virgil was so shocked by what Remus said that he could not stop his jaw dropping in shock. Remus decided that this was a victory and to continue, 

“Look, a little bird told me, before I ate it of course, that Roman is acting strange in the imagination.”

“Strange?”

“Strange and unusual! Unfortunately, it is not the good kind. He is not even doing his boring work for Thomas and I know that is all you guys care about.” Remus says as he smirks, clearly trying to taunt Virgil. 

“Hey, that’s not true–”

“Oh? Then prove it. Go to him. See what’s wrong.” Virgil’s eyes widen as he hears the shift in Remus’ tone. There was none of his usual teasing, no chuckling, nothing.  

He truly never thought he would ever see Remus be serious. 

Virgil takes a deep breath, “I’ll go. Lead the way.” 

“Wonderful!” Remus shouts as his only warning before grabbing Virgil’s arm and sinking out of the living room. 

~

Popping into imagination, Virgil hesitated to open his eyes. Was the imagination in shambles? Or fire? Were there monsters everywhere?! 

Virgil quickly snapped his eyes open and looked around. The first thing he noticed was how normal everything looked. The sun was shining brightly, the birds were singing and he could see unicorns running in the distance. 

Virgil briefly wondered that maybe Remus was just trying to get him out of the living room so that he could have the couch for himself, but she dismissed that thought as soon as he had it. Remus would have just sat on top of him or thrown him off the couch. 

He turns to leave the imagination when a dark raven with bright green eyes flies in front of him. They silently stare at each other before the raven flies to his left. It pauses and turns back to Virgil, waiting for him to follow. 

Virgil rolls his eyes as he follows the bird. God, can this get any more dramatic?

~

Apparently, it can get more dramatic! In the form of a giant castle. 

It wasn’t like the giant castle Roman normally has in the imagination. For one thing, this castle was much more white than it did red, and there was no gold to be found. Second, this castle was on a cliff. Roman hated cliffs, he shared Patton’s fear of heights (though he would never admit it). Finally, the style of the castle did not match the rest of the imagination. It looked more like a giant painting that was plopped into the middle of the imagination by accident. 

The raven flew up and perches itself on the wall closest to Virgil. 

Virgil stares up at it, “You don’t expect me to climb this wall, do you?” The raven said nothing, only tilting its head. It blinks at Virgil for a few moments before screeching loudly. 

A bright green light circles around Virgil. He can feel his hoodie disappearing off of his body and being replaced by something a bit heavier. 

The light is so bright and intense that he is forced to shut his eyes. 

He has no idea how long he has had his eyes closed. He only opens them again when he feels a small weight on his right shoulder. He sees the raven perched there on his shiny new pauldron. 

Wait, what?

Virgil examines his new outfit. He is wearing shiny black boots that blended perfectly with his dark purple pants. He is also wearing a matching dark purple tunic, the sleeves of which are tucked into thick black gloves. 

The pauldron is attached to a brown leather strap that goes across his chest, under his left armpit, and across his back. To round out his outfit, a brown leather with a scabbard holding a rapier. 

“Isn’t this a bit much?” Virgil asks the raven. Its only reply is to fly back up to the spot it was in on the wall before Virgil’s transformation. 

“Yeah, this is Roman’s domain after all.” Virgil takes a deep breath, “Alright, let’s do this.” he says before grabbing the wall. 

Almost immediately, his arms began to burn as he pulls himself only a few feet off the ground. He definitely needed to exercise more. To think he had planned to spend today lounging around and snacking... 

How the hell am I going to climb this wall?

~

It took him 17 minutes to get up the wall, though it felt like hours. 

His arms are burning, he is covered in sweat and he is beyond frustrated. 

He is going to kill that bird. 

He sits next to the raven on the top of the wall and takes long and loud deep breaths. 

“You. Nearly. Killed. Me. With. That.” He growls between each gasp for breath. 

The raven did nothing but stare at him. 

Virgil hisses and swipes at the raven…which only leads to his falling forward and off the wall. 

He manages to turn himself fast enough that he falls onto his side instead of on his head, though the strap does dig into his side painfully. 

Virgil groans as he sits up, questioning all the decisions that have led him to this moment. He feels a presence approaching him. 

He looks up, expecting the raven again. Instead, he is face-to-face with Roman. 

Well, almost Roman. This Roman wasn’t wearing his usual outfit nor his usual boisterous simile. This Roman’s clothes were tattered, and he looked frightened. 

“Roman?” Virgil asks as he stands up, swiping the dirt off of him. 

Roman takes a step back from him as he exclaims, “Who are you and how do you know my name?!”

“What are you talking about? It’s me, Virgil. Why are you acting so weird? And what is this place? This isn’t your usual castle.”

Virgil takes another step towards Roman, his stomach dropping as Roman shrinks away from. 

This isn’t right, this isn’t Roman. Remus was right, there is something seriously wrong. Oh god, if Roman is like this, what could be happening to Thomas?!

Before Virgil could spiral any further, Roman continues, “Look, I don’t know why you are and how you know me but you need to leave before my stepmother notices you’re here. She hates intruders.”

Virgil can hear a record scratch in his brain. Stepmother? When have any of them had a stepmother? Thomas doesn’t even have a stepmother. 

Wait a minute. 

Stepmother, castle, cleaning. 

Virgil looks over Roman’s shoulder, seeing a very familiar long window.

“Ohhhh, are you doing some kind of scene? Is that what’s going on?” Virgil finds himself relaxing a bit. If it's a scene, then nothing is wrong. If it’s a scene, then Roman is okay. 

“A…scene…?” Roman says before suddenly freezing up. His outfit flickers from the tattered servant clothes to his normal outfit as he grips his head in pain. 

“Roman!” Virgil puts his hands on Roman’s shoulder, stopping the outfits from switching. Roman, back in his original outfit, lets go of his head. 

“Virgil?” He asks softly. 

“Hey, Ro. Mind telling me what is going on?”

Roman pauses and looks around, his expression is unreadable. He takes in the scene around him, and his eyes widen as he remembers. 

“Oh…oh no…Virgil…I made a huge mistake…”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve gotten lost in my head plenty of times before.” Virgil slightly chuckles “Thought, I will admit that this is much cooler than what my head gives me.” 

Roman blushes slightly, looking down at the ground as he spoke, “T-Thanks…but that’s not what I was talking about…”

“How about you tell me when we get back?”

Roman’s head shot up “Back…?” “Yeah, we can split some ice cream and vent,” Virgil extends his hand to him with his signature smirk on his face. “Come on, let’s go.” Roman stares at Virgil’s hand for a few tense moments before slowly moving his hand towards Virgil’s. Just before their hands make contact, a boom voice causes the both of them to jump. 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

The dragon witch, in all her Evil Queen glory, flew down and land right behind Roman. The instant that her feet touched the ground, Roman froze. His outfit immediately changed back to the ragged one he had on previously and he shrinks away from Virgil. 

“Excuse me, but who are you?!” she snarls at him, “Get out of my castle immediately! Roman, how dare you not send this man away! You are such a failure. Absolutely useless.”

Roman shrinks in on himself, staring intently at the ground. Right, this was his punishment. He deserved this. He–

“Hey! You can’t talk to him like that!” 

Both Roman and the Dragon Queen’s eyes snapped towards Virgil. Even the dark green crow, who had made himself comfortable on a nearby tree branch, cocked its head to listen in.  

“Excuse me?” the dragon queen growled, “Do you know who I am?! I am the queen and this is my servant, I can say whatever I please to him!”

“Oh no, I’ve seen this movie about a million times, I know that he is the prince and the rags, the cleaning and everything is because you’re insecure about your looks!”

“How dare you--”

“Can it, lady! Roman is my boy--I mean one of my best friends! He’s passionate, hardworking and super kind. He never backs down from what he believes and also makes very good hot chocolate that is just prefect for a rain day! And he may be loud when he sings but his voice is so amazing that I don’t care! He is a great prince and a 1000% better rule of this place than you so you can get out and far away from him!”

And just like that, the dragon witch disappears. Along with the castle, the scenery, and everything else. Even Roman turns back to normal, relaxing the knot in Virgil’s stomach. He looks down, happy to see himself back in his normal hoodie. 

Strangely, as the imagination turned back into an empty white void, the dark green crow stayed. It was forced to fly when its branch, though it wasn’t annoyed. It flies over to Virgil, landing on his shoulder. 

“I think everything will be okay now, Remus.” VIrgil whispers. The crow doesn’t reply, only flying off and out of the imagination. Virgil watched it go with a smile before turning back to Roman. 

Roman was staring at Virgil in disbelief, as if he couldn’t comprehend what he was seeing. Virgil started fidgeting with his hoodie string, embarrassment flooding him as he realizes that Roman definitely, without a doubt, absolutely heard every word he just said. 

“Oh god, this is awkward…so Ro--”

Virgil’s mouth slams shut as Roman pulls him into a hug, but quickly turns his mouth into a smile. 

Someone somewhere said something about how actions are better than words. A hug, a hug is good. 

~

They silently popped back into the living room, unable to look at one another. 

Virgil didn’t like this silence. It was so tense. He had to fix this. 

“Listen,” Virgil says as he rubs the back of his head, clearly nervous, “Thomas is heading to the mall now. It’s not a high-stakes adventure, but it’s out of the house.” Roman looked into Virgil’s eyes. There was no disappointment, there was no hate. In fact, they were filled with concern, hope, and maybe even...love? It was hard for Roman to believe that but the evidence was right in front of him. 

Roman smiles and nods “That sounds like fun.”

Little did Roman know that he not only would have fun, but it was the fairy tale story he was looking for.

~

I'M SO HAPPY TO BE BACK.

[broomsticks]

bc monkey brain does what it wants to do, whenever it wants to do it, have a ridiculously belated

halloween-themed wolfstar rec bingo

🐈‍⬛ halloween '81: October 30, 1981 // Penknife // 1k, M 🩸 blood: The Cartography of the Wreck // berhanes (sqvalors) // 2.6k, T 😱 full moon gone wrong: How to be happy // TheDivineComedian // 6k, T 👹 monsters: Amateur Cartography // montparnasse // 50k, M 🕸️ free space: If We Make It Through December // Suchsmallhands // 14k, G 🍬 trick or treat: they walk in the dark // watfordbird33 // 1.7k, T ⚰️ death: Small Bones of Courage // 15k, E 🎭 costume party: Lie With Me // Squidgilator // 12k, M 👻 ghosts: The Love Song of Sirius Black // kaydeefalls // 7k, M

bingo board by @moonwalker94 for hpfc :)

🐈‍⬛ halloween '81: October 30, 1981 // Penknife // 1k, M. two parallel stories, canon compliant, short and so punchy.

The last good day he will remember, Remus spends the afternoon sitting on the windowsill of his flat pretending to read a book. Actually he is drinking in the deep blue sky and the golden light through the trees and the quiet of the street when everyone is off to work or school. The book is so that he can tell himself he is doing something, because there is no time these days to waste, even though he has nowhere to be until evening.

🩸 blood: The Cartography of the Wreck // berhanes (sqvalors) // 2.6k, T. angsty trust-issues first war wolfstar in interconnected vignettes get me every time. every time.

He thinks about the bruises etching themselves into his bones and the ache settling deeper than muscle. He thinks about how the man tending his wounds is the man holding him together is the man who might be trying to take him apart.

😱 full moon gone wrong: How to be happy // TheDivineComedian // 6k, T. it’s the moon in poa that goes wrong :)

"I want to go," said Harry quietly. "This is my fault, after all. If I had conjured a better Patronus –" "No, Harry" said Lupin. "It's my fault. If I hadn't turned at that precise moment –" "It's not your fault you're a werewolf!" said Harry. "It's not your fault you're an unhappy teen," said Lupin. "Still, we both failed at playing the cards we were dealt with, didn't we? We were playing an unfair game, and this -" he gestured to the corridor, "this is losing. Let's go and face it."

👹 monsters: Amateur Cartography // montparnasse // 50k, M. first war montparnasse fics capture just everything i think and feel and want to say about monsters and this ship so have an extra-long vibe quote (it's two sentences).

Monsters, it turns out, are what Dumbledore has in mind: werewolves mostly, same as it’s been for nearly a year, but now too giants and vampires and hags crouching in the distant crags and cracks of England where the bloodless whispers of war go unheeded by those living unfettered at the knife-edge of constant battles already long lost, strange covens of pale, mud-splattered people huddling under the cowl of their curse with their own dialect, their own dark comforts, their own brutal justice, weighed on the scales of fearful necessity and savage hunger. The cottage in the woods will lend him greater credence than a flat in Camden and a part-time desk job at a Muggle library and, though Dumbledore doesn’t say so, a handsome, reluctant Auror-to-be boyfriend with a last name louder than his motorbike; so Remus hoards what little he has and settles into the hillside, fighting his way through the roses and the mint that’s conquered the old garden and taking tea outside with The Secret Mating Patterns of Boggarts and Misery for Pastime and Profit at sundown, dwindling into the house with the ancient, dusty draught blowing through the kitchen every night and speaking its comfort against his lips and his ears, gently, gently.

🕸️ free space: If We Make It Through December // Suchsmallhands @shipsnsails // 14k, G. this fic is a solace, a warm little shelter in a snowstorm, a temporary respite in between the two wars.

He remembered when it was warm. Sipping absently and staring vacantly, he remembered summer and the heat that touched every memory. Even the warm nights on the parapets of Gryffindor tower, when four boys could gather and smoke cigarettes and grass without bundling up. The stars overhead seemed closer and blurrier in the summertime. Only the moonlight remained untouched by the sweetness of the summers, which brought visits at the Potter’s, and swimming in creeks without a shirt because the only people near enough to see were his friends.

🍬 trick or treat: they walk in the dark // watfordbird33 // 1.7k, T. have a side of james/peter to go with your remus/sirius 😘

They run until they’re somewhere else, and then Sirius is slamming Remus up against the wall, and every other time felt like play, but this doesn’t feel like play. This feels like James and Peter. This feels like Sirius means it. And then he’s molding himself to Remus. He’s fitting his curves and he’s touching him everywhere and there’s fire in between them and they’re kissing. They kiss like the end of the world and the beginning. They tumble and they’re not coming up.

⚰️ death: Small Bones of Courage // 15k, E. small bones small bones my love my baby! i'm not normal about this fic. what writing -- but it is Death, front and center.

Sirius insides tug reluctantly, but he nods. The eternal serpent in his blood rears up and strikes violently at his spirit for rolling over like this, letting the dark creature have its way, losing the only battle worth fighting—infused with the unique strength of resignation, Sirius does the bravest thing he’s done in years and simply ignores the venom. “Alright,” he sighs. Alright, alright, alright. So much of Sirius’ time has been spent convincing himself of that vapid untruth. He thinks fondly of the time that he has now—precious little, but time nonetheless—to spend on enjoying what’s left of Remus’ existence instead of pretending that hell has frozen over.

🎭 costume party: Lie With Me // @squidgilator // 12k, M. all costume no party, i'm reccing it anyway. a polyjuice potion + magical theory-heavy first war fic.

summary: Sirius meets Remus unexpectedly, in somebody else's body. Nobody trusts anybody.

👻 ghosts: The Love Song of Sirius Black // kaydeefalls // 7k, M. ghosts in the sense of a series of canon-divergent vignettes, and ghosts in the sense of --

"You won't be here when I wake, will you?" "No," Sirius says, and he suddenly knows it's true. This is Remus' dream, and he was lucky enough to be a part of it, but his time is running out as surely as sand slips through an hourglass. "No, I won't." He kisses Remus' forehead. Remus nods, very still in Sirius' arms. He closes his eyes. "Remus," Sirius whispers. "Will you do me one favor? Please?"

[harryissuchalittleshit]

It is later lol

Lily

She loves her birthday

To her January is just the beginning of a new adventure

New Year’s has always been her favorite holiday

The idea of being able to start over and start anew just makes her so happy and hopeful and it helped her get through the last few years of her short life

She does cry on her birthday every year

Knowing that the month is closing out and that her new beginnings are just continuing with the year

So she tries to do something new every January, she’s all about sticking to her New Year’s resolutions

One year she learns how to knit, another she takes up dance, two years later she works on cooking and baking

She likes taking on her new hobbies, knowing that she’ll eventually have time to enjoy all of them every year

When she comes to Hogwarts, she decides instead of a new hobby to make a new friend

Third year it’s Remus, they talk about their favorite Muggle musicians and favorite childhood books, they find they have more in common than their good grades

They find themselves always in companionable silence while on their prefects rounds later, but they also know that they can easily fill the silence without awkwardness

Remus is the person that helps her pick out her first dance song at her wedding reception years later

Fourth year was Peter, he showed her the kitchens after she got into a bad fight with one of her other friends

Lily had never met a house elf before and Peter taught her all about their customs and how to get the best food from them with ease

Peter was never really into cooking, but whenever Lily hosted a meal he showed up early to help out, even if it was peeling potatoes or setting the table for her

Fifth year it’s Sirius, both of them receiving bad news from home, both of them getting into fights with family/siblings

They become a comfort to one another because no one understands what they’re going through but the other

She’s the first person outside of the Marauders to know about Tonks, and Sirius shows her all the photos Andromeda sends him of her first

Many people don’t know that Lily called him a brother long before James ever did

Sixth year was James, and her long dormant feelings/crush burned through her as they actually got to know one another

She didn’t realize letting one of those ragtag bunch of boys into her heart meant that she would collect them all, that she would fall in love with jokes and smiles, with tears and shaky hands, she didn’t realize to know one was to know all four

James kissed in November of 1977, Lily accepted his marriage proposal in June of 1978

Her mum walked her down the aisle, along with Remus, both of them teasing her as she tried to get them to walk faster (please please please hurry up!)

Those were the last photos they got to have of her mum and James’s parents

They would never know of Harry

Lily cried for days and weeks after finding out she was pregnant, until it was her birthday and she made herself accept her reality

That next year, Harry woke her up in the early morning, and Lily held him in her arms, the pair of them watching the sun rise through the window of his nursery

They got bad news that day, the spy in the Order caused another death, but Lily at least had one happy moment from that day to remember

Happy birthday Lily Evans! I’ll write some headcanons for you later!!

[vbpotter]

Mafoy (James Potter x Reader) Pt.2

Part 1 

A/n : Y/m/n stands for ‘Your Marauders nickname’

Also - Requests are open <3

" Sirius , Who is she ?" Harry asked as he came upon a Picture of the Marauders and Lily with a girl . The girl had always been in most of the pictures , but Harry never asked anyone about who she was . 

Sirius Froze as he turned around to face Harry , his face expressionless . 

The duo was currently sat in Sirius's room at Number 12. Grimmauld Place , Harry was going through pictures Sirius showed him as Sirius cleaned his room and told Harry about the story behind every moving Picture .

Sirius came up to sit beside Harry . Sirius gently took the picture in his hands staring at it .

It was one of Sirius's favorite pictures (Mainly because it didn't have the rat in it ) . This picture was taken on James and Lily's Wedding Day . Sirius - The Best Man- had his glass of Firewhiskey raised in the air , Remus was standing as the Gentleman he was - a large smile on his face . Then there were Lily and James , beside each other - not looking at the camera but into each others eyes . And then finally , It was Her. She stood there happily , her outfit very different than the others . While the Others wore suits and dresses , she stood there in a  sleeveless yellow floral summer dress . She looked effortlessly amazing . She stood out from the crowd , and her charming smile playing on her lips was just a plus factor to her beauty . Though , if you looked closely , her eyes were slightly glassy , Sirius couldn't figure out if they were tears of Joy or Sadness . But , he later realized that it was probably both . 

" Y/m/n"  Sirius whispered 

" Wait ... the fifth member of your group you never told me anything about ?" Harry asked and Sirius nodded , tears swimming at the brim of his eyes. 

" Tell me something about her " Harry said , his voice commanding and confused . No one ever told him anything about this new girl , and he didn't know why .

" Y/n Malfoy .......Yes Harry , Y/n Malfoy . Lucious Malfoy's younger sister " Sirius added , seeing Harry's shocked state.

" She was a Gryffindor..........And a Blood traitor in her family's books , much like me . She was the most beautiful person inside out , I have met till this date . She was the one who kept held us all through our dark times , she was the one trying to keep others happy , giving every piece of her to us . She was our little ball of sunshine, who lived in darkness , but none of us knew . Sometimes, guilt courses through me Harry , realizing that we could have saved her ....But looks like I failed in this , J-just like I did in everything" Sirius said , his voice cracking .

" She was tortured at home , Harry , mercilessly . She never told us , just to make sure we weren't worried . Her parents hated her , she was left in the shadows , the dark lord wanted her , she was broken .And to top all of it up , The Boy she loved never loved her back . He couldn't see how beautiful she was ,he never saw how strong she was , Never . Hell , she didn’t even need help to kick ones arse. But The Boy she loved , that one was blind , he was blinded by someone else and failed to notice that he had the perfect person right in front of him ." Sirius said as he tried to hold his tears in .

" She must have been a wonderful Person . The Boy was a bloody idiot , I am pretty sure about that " Harry said , though he was surprised when Sirius gave a shaky chuckle.

"Do you realize that you just called your dad a bloody idiot ?" Sirius asked . Harry sat there for a moment in confusion , that was until realization hit him.

But,before he could say anything else, Sirius continued .

" You know Harry , A part of loving someone truly is being happy in their happiness . Being Happy when they are happy and carrying them when they are sad . A part of Loving someone is accepting , accepting that you will be happy even if they didn't chose you . These things were accepted by her , unlike someone else " Sirius said and he basically spat the last part out for a reason Harry did not know, yet . 

"She accepted the rules of love, Harry . She did everything in her power to keep the people she loved Happy , even it meant loosing her own . And then there is the harsh reality that she was killed by her own brother" Sirius said , and a look of loathe crossed his face . Harry sat silently , taking everything in .

"I clearly remember it . We were on an Order mission , it was the most horrible we had ever been to . Spells here and there , glass shattering ,walls blasting , everything being destroyed . That was when Malfoy's hood fell off and he decided that it was enough . He caught sight of Lily , the only muggleborn in our group and sent the killing curse her way " Sirius said and Harry let a sharp intake of breathe .

" It all happened so  quickly that we were hardly able to notice it . I remember it . A loud shout of "Lily!" and then a flash of blinding green light and then a thud . And the next thing I know when I  turn around is Y/n . Her lifeless body laying on the Floor , scratches on her face and body , her lips slightly agape . But what made me scream was her eyes . Those beautiful E/c eyes looked calm and peaceful . I had seen them sad , broken , happy and cheerful , even angry .........But never so calm . It was as if s-she had f-finally found peace .......It was as if she was finally content . It was - " Sirius said , his voice breaking as tears finally started pouring form his eyes . 

"The death eaters Fled after that , and Malfoy , he didn't even glance at his dead sister . " Sirius wanted to continue , but , was cut off by Harry .

" What - What was My D-Dad's reaction ?" Harry asked hesitantly . Sirius exhaled shakily.

"James ...........He was broken.....Didn't even talk to anyone , not even Lily........Until......" Sirius said trailing off 

"Until?" Harry asked.

"Until a week later . A week after the attack , when everyone was still shook , It was revealed that Lily was 6 weeks pregnant with you ....." Sirius said .

"What?" Harry whispered .

"Hmmm..........That night , Y/n not only saved Lily , But she unknowingly saved you too , Harry . James , he was the happiest we had seen that week after that " Sirius said .

" If she was alive.........She would have taken care of you like her own son , if not better . Partly because You are James's son . But , the bigger reason being that you had spent your childhood without love , something she knew exactly how it felt like . " Sirius said , sniffing . There was another large Muffled sob echoing the room . It wasn't from Sirius, though .

Harry's head snapped towards the door , where Remus was leaning against the door , crying into his sleeves . 

"James and Lily did love each other, Harry. But for us , It was always James and Y/n ........." Remus said , his voice a muffled sob . Though , Harry wasn't listening . He didn't even know when Sirius and Remus left the room . 

As he sat there , staring at the young and beautiful girl on the photo, he realized that he had been saved by a person's love more than once .

[princeanxious]

Soulmate au fic that I really wanna write where Janus is soulmates with everyone(aka DLAMPR) but soulmates stay the same every lifetime but theres a chance to have multiple soulmates and in rare cases you don’t meet them all in that life before you or your soulmates dies.(especially in janus’s case, for reasons i’ll get into shortly) With each life once you hit a certain age(say somewhere between 19-20) and/or meet your soulmate, you gain the memory of every life you’ve had in the past, specifically the life you lived with your soulmate.(also soulmates arent inherently romantic in this world, and i’ll mention that roman and remus are always inherently platonic soulmates to eachother, and are often born as twins to eachother, and if not, are often always the first meet in their group)

Janus is a very special case, and in their world considered almost an anomaly.

All the information gained in the world is supplied from his soulmates, who at the end of each of their current lives always end up together as a group, though it on average happens pretty early on in their lives, minus janus.

Janus is an anomaly because it seems that he’s dying every lifetime time that he meets one of his soulmates, lost to the world 24 hours after hes come into direct physical contact with the first of his soulmates in that lifetime.

(Check the tags for trigger warnings before reading!)

In the first lifetime, he meets Patton(who, in this life, is not called Patton), a young baker who takes his hand with excitement, the barest brush of skin alone triggering not a memory of a past life, but instead a brilliant feeling of connection, a soul-deep aknowledgement that their souls are brand new, and infact are connected to a whole group of souls. Patton is overtaken by a whole new kind of excitement. Janus matches it, and they plan an outting for the very next morning. Janus does not make it to the outting, succumbing to a stab wound just hours after meeting Patton while on his walk home. Patton meets the rest of their soulmates while waiting for Janus to arrive. They hear about his death a week later.

The in second lifetime, he briefly meets Virgil, theyre 16 and 17 respectively. He doesnt learn much, the brief brush of skin while waiting in a croud for a train, enough to distract him into turning around just enough to meet eyes with Virgil, who had been on a train back to meet the rest of their soulmates, an exclamation of relieved surprise on the tip of Janus’s tongue. And then Jan trips, or someone impatiently shoves at him and he loses his footing, niether of them really know for sure. One moment they feel the euphoria of their souls connecting, the next Virgil feels the bond instantly shatter alongside his heart as he watches Janus disappear under the oncoming train. Virgil spends that lifetime traumatized by his sudden death, guilt ridden in knowing their soulmate’s last lifetime’s death had ended in a similar fashion even in mer secs, and his soul takes on a much more cautious nature from then on.

In the third lifetime, he meets Remus, theyre 18. Remus manages to spend a whole hour with Janus before they touch, and it’s only because Janus talks him out of jumping off a bridge. Remus wasn’t being suicidal, just hyper moridly curious, but Janus didn’t know that. Janus strikes up a conversation with him, its snarky and fun and perfect, and Janus joins him on the railing as they talk. Janus derails Remus from jumping by mentioning that he’s never had sushi, and to Remus this is an afront to living. Remus hops back over to the safe side of the railing, declaring to fix that crisis immediately. Janus laughs and agrees, relaxing visibly. The relaxing is a mistake, as for a single second Janus forgets that hes still in a dangerous position. He slips, his hand missing the railing, Remus only just barely managing to catch his hand in time but he doesnt get a good enough grasp, the spark that triggers their soul connection distracting enough that Janus’s hands slip from Remus’s, and Remus is forced to watch in horror as Janus plummets to his doom. He scrambles to fish Janus out of the river, but they cant revive him, Janus died on impact. Remus doesn’t meet the rest of their soulmates for another three years. He never touches sushi again for the rest of that lifetime

In the forth, Roman is 17, Janus is 18, and Janus actually meets Roman multiple times, knowing full well what his life has in store, neither ever knowing. Roman and Janus are actors for the two main characters for an up and coming movie, and they get along super well. Janus has always worn gloves, scarves, long sleeves and jeans, hoodies, beanies. Its a bit taboo at such a young age, but Janus never seems to mind the controversy and never commets on it, and Roman doesn’t mind either. Janus is infact very withdrawn, and often gives very little input on what his true personality is and so Roman doesn’t push it. Later, he really, really wishes he did. Inevitably, they become closer. But it’s only until after the movie is released that Janus lets his walls down just a little. Somehow, he seems to know that Roman is his soulmate long before theyve actually touched. Somehow, for some reason that they just cant seem to fathom, at the end of a large event for the movie, Janus and Roman are being ushered away from eachother and into seperate cars to avoid an influx of fans for some reason or another, Roman doesn’t remember what. All he remembers is Janus taking a glove off his hand and brushing Roman’s cheek after he wished Roman an odd farewell. Not a see you later, just “Farewell, my Prince.” In perfect sync with a very specific line that Janus’s character had said. Roman is in too much shock by the time he’s in his own car, the past three lifetimes of memory flashing through his head taking just long enough to settle into dread as he realizes. He panics, he tries to get someone to listen, and by god do they try, but no one can get into contact with Janus in time. Janus dies in a freak car crash just minutes after they touched, dead on impact. Roman and his soulmates hold onto this movie for the rest of this lifetime, the last physical record left behind by the soulmate that fate just wont let them meet.

In the fifth, he meets Logan, each at age 21, Logan is a nurse in training, and Janus is a cashier, a college student just starting to work towards getting their law degree. By this point Logan has met all of their soulmates, and they all live in a flat together. Really, these days they all sit in wait, they have a plan amongst themselves, about what to do when they meet Janus, a last resort, a trying attempt to keep him alive just long enough to break that 24 hour threshold, to break the spell, to be able to say they did something to try and save him. So its truely a shame that in this lifetime, Janus is bleeding out from a gunshot wound by the time Logan is able to reach him. Its late at night, the police have been called, but it seems Janus was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and finds himself bleeding out on the tile floor. He doesn’t struggle, he doesn’t panic. When Logan approaches, he instead smiles sadly, and reaches his hand out to Logan. On instinct Logan takes it, just before he processes hearing Janus greet him with “Hello, Soulmate.” In vain, Logan tries to staunch the bleeding, but he’s done all he can do, and they know the real paramedics will be 2 minnutes too late. So they sit there, covered in Janus’s blood at 2 am in the middle of a shoddy convenience store, talking quietly about life and how their soulmates love them. There are tears in Logan’s eyes as Janus smiles sadly, knowingly up at Logan. He reaches his hand up and cradles Logans face, and asks Logan to “never forget to smile, okay?” Logan ends up leaving nursing, his mental health unable to take the soul-deep wound that incapacitates him when surrounded by the call of death.

In their sixth life, his soulmates wait, the group meets at age 23, and feel renewed hope as each month passes that they do not experience another traumatic death in their midst. Around age 30, confusion sets in, the hollow itch of meeting their last soulmate is dulled, almost non existant. They’d believe it gone if they didn’t feel it whisper to them late at night where theyre all gathered together. By the time their 60, the whisper seems to fade, and they slowly mourn the loss of the loved one they never got to have. Janus’s soul infact does not make it to the sixth lifetime, but not for lack of trying. His soulmates don’t want to believe it, waiting for his arrival to the very last of their days in this lifetime and never meeting him, they refuse to voice that they mightve lost Janus for good..

Fate has instead taken hold of his feeble soul, the weakest soul in an already unusually huge soulmate group, his soul only half as strong as it should be to balance fate in each lifetime, and so weak that his soul collapses under the amount of soulpower that reaches out to his own when his soul meets the others, and the fates are agitated by the constant unbalance of what should be their greatest and most intricately created group of soulmates yet. So the fates decided to hold onto his soul for a single lifetime, and spends the years mending and healing and strengthening his soul, practically filling in a full half of his soul, and spending years merging it while still carefully balancing his connection with his soulmates perfectly. The trade off is that the tampering and adjusting of his soul fucks with his soulmate memory trigger. He doesn’t forget, no, but his access to his previous lifetime memories is staggered, and so it takes months before he gets back all of his pevious lifetime memories, leaving the inital soulmate connection actually connecting but not immediately supplying his soul with any information of his own first 5 lives, leaving him blank at the start, though knowing that he and his soulmates soul’s are still older than being a brand new soul without memories, and doesn’t actually have a point in his lifetimes when he his an age and his past lifetime memories come to him, he /has/ to meet his soulmates to trigger those memories. The fates are very particular about him, keen on not providing this group with anymore unnessesary trauma.

So, imagine Janus’s genuine confusion, in his sixth life and his soulmate’s seventh life, at age 23 when he approaches a group at a college party on a whim to chat/flatter/flirt with the infamous Remus Sanders, the local social cryptid who always raises more questions than answers when you talk to him and who, Janus has learned, is a highly entertained arsonist-wannabe, and Janus knows that it’s smart to have contacts, because who knows when he’ll be need of someone who’ll commit arson with him? It just happened to be an hour earlier that Remy had spilled soda on his gloves, so he’s braving this interaction without a safety barrier but he’s heard Remus has all his soulmates already, all four of them to be exact, so he doesnt think he has much of a reason to worry. He manages to slide into the conversation easily, and none of Remus’s soulmates seem bothered by his intrusion, especially when he takes the eccentric way that Remus speaks in stride without even a pause, they just seem exasperated when he sneakily brings up the topic of fire.

Then Remus takes him by the shoulders, grinning at him almost crazily, and states “You. I like you” and, it’s obviously instinctive, the graceful way he laughs and puts a hand on Remus’s to agree, but of course the moment skin touches skin, their souls link and everything sparks. And then Remus shutters, and stares, his jaw going slack but his hands seem to grip Janus tighter. And for a moment, Janus finds it terribly, terribly fitting that he’s soulmates with a filterless pyromaniac, but then he remembers that Remus also has soulmates, and then the panic sets in because, assumably, that makes them his soulmates too.

Imagine Janus’s confusion when instead of being met with joy, he suddenly finds himself tucked carefully yet securely into Remus’s arms, being rocked by a man whose suddenly panicked and almost manically whispering “it’s him, hes here, it’s him.” Any move he makes to pull away even a little is met with a sob, Remus is crying, and Janus is so very confused. He tries to coo and comfort Remus, but each of their other soulmates crowd around them, touching his skin one by one, none of them moving away, his skin is burning from touch starvation, its a lot, its to much, its not enough, it burns.

It takes Janus over an hour, after being shuffled into a corner and placed in another soulmate’s lap, Janus thinks his name is Patton, to come back to himself, and finds his soulmates can’t stop touching him. He, too, feels the zing with each touch, the specific innate and undeniable feeling of ‘soulmate, soulmate, soulmate’ but he feels that hes very specifically out of some kind of loop considering all of his soulmates are crying.

When the fates whisper to them, three hours in, with the words “his soul was weak, we have fixed the issue, he is now yours for life to keep, he will safely continue.”

And while Janus requires quite a bit of catch-up, he feels like nows not the best time to ask. He feels more than sees the collective relief that sweeps through his soulmates, he lets them crowd around him further, touching and holding and assuring themselves and eachother that hes real, hes there, he’s staying alive, hes going to be safe. He tries not to say too much, doesn’t want to step on any sore spots, and finds theres tears in his eyes as well. He just lets himself be passed from lap to lap, and somehow or another they manage to all safely arrive at their joined home, pilling up a pillowfort into the livingroom and putting on a movie. Not once does he leave the hold of at least one soulmate, and finds at least two other hands on his person at a time up until he’s sat in the middle of the pillowfort(after he was allowed to get ready alongside the others for bed. He ends up in an oversized nasa hoodie that belongs to Logan) and the others begin to just, talk about life. Its too early to talk about the extreme protectiveness that theyve all treated him with each second, like hes about to dissapear at any moment. The thought makes him shudder, and he tries not to dwell on it.

Turns out, Virgil has the best idea of the night, suddenly and carefully kissing him, which triggers a bit of a domino effect, where Janus goes gently from soulmate to soulmate and trades kisses and hugs until everyone is breathless and giggling wetly with emotion.

And, when he wakes up the next morning, refusing to leave the warmth that is Roman’s chest and whining when Logan, who’d been acting as his other warm big spoon, start pulling away to start the day. And for the first time in this lifetime, Logan startlingly quickly relents and actually returns to their makeshift bed, pressing closer to Janus in an instant to hear his happy, sleepy hum. None of them get up for hours, and when they finally do, they order takeout, and dont stray far from eachother in the coming days.

Its the start of something new, something beautiful.

Something completely and finally whole.

[beauty-and-passion]

Time to talk about the flower shirt

You read the title. Time to talk about this.

This is the infamous flower shirt Thomas put on in his store and, since the fandom is the fandom, everyone started to speculate about those flowers.

At first, I didn’t want to do it. They’re just flowers and other people already talked about them, so what could I possibly add to the conversation?

But while I was writing about Orange, I had to talk a moment about the orange flower. It was supposed to be a small parenthesis, just a couple of words about that.

But then I looked at the other flowers and what other people told/not told about them and how some didn’t find Patton’s flower... so here I am, adding my two cents to this theme.

You needed it? Probably not. Well, I’m writing it anyway.

So let’s take a closer look at those flowers and see each one in detail:

__________________________________

Roman: Red rose

Should I really explain why it’s perfect for Roman? Red roses are the universal symbol of love. Basically in all cultures red roses symbolize passion, true love, romance and desire. Also, according to this website, even the shade has a meaning! In fact, the deeper the red shade is, the stronger is the passion.

And even the number of red roses has a meaning! In this case, we have only one single red rose and that "represents love at first sight, or if it’s coming from a long-term partner, they are saying “you are still the one”.”

You know what that made me think? About Thomas telling Roman “You’re my hero”. A perfect symbol that he was “still the one” for Thomas.

__________________________________

Orange: Lantana camara

This is an incredibly peculiar flower.

Lantana Camara symbolizes severity and rigour. And this alone can be analyzed in all possible ways, but there are other interesting details about this plant I think it's worth mentioning.

Lantana is toxic for livestock, such as cattle, sheep, horses, dogs and goats. According to Wikipedia, previous studies suggested it could be toxic for humans too, especially the green unripe berries. However "other studies have found evidence which suggests that its fruit poses no risk to humans".

Lantana is a freaking invasive plant. In some areas, it's so predominant, to reduce biodiversity, because its presence "can significantly slow down the regeneration of forests, by preventing the growth of new trees". Also, as if this isn't enough, this plant can also produce toxic chemicals which inhibit other plant species.

Lantana has also a great adaptability, that helped it to be so invasive: it can live in a wide range of different environmental conditions, it can survive long periods without water, heck it's even resistant to fire. It's not a plant you can underestimate. Like Orange, I assume.

But Lantana isn't just an invasive plant. Lantana has always been used for medical purposes, because it showed good antimicrobial, fungicidal and insecticidal properties and its extract helps against respiratory infections and ulcers.

Also, since it doesn't have many pests or diseases, lantana became a common ornamental plant. It even attracts butterflies!

In other words: isn't that the perfect plant to symbolize the double nature of a dark side? It can be a threat, change the environment, destroy and even kill. But it can also be a medicine, something useful, something beautiful.

Whoever Orange is, Lantana camara tells us that, whithout a doubt, he’s a dark side.

__________________________________

Janus: Sunflower

Do you think Janus isn't perfect enough as he is? Do you think there's not enough husband material in the snek?

Well, you’re wrong and the sunflower is here to prove it.

Sunflower symbolizes loyalty, adoration, longevity, vitality, worship. Now add this up to the sunflower’s behaviour and how it follows the sun... and you’ll get Janus. Janus literally acts like a sunflower: Thomas is his sun and everything Janus does is for him. His whole existence is centered around Thomas.

But we already knew that, because it's the same message that shone through his playlist. Everything about Janus tells us how much he adores Thomas, from his canonical behavior in the series, to his playlist, to this flower.

Oh, do you need another proof that this is flower is perfect for Janus? Some societies use sunflowers as religious symbols. Ah, some good ol' reference to religion: it’s like being in his playlist all over again.

And, of course, sunflowers are used for a variety of reasons, like cooking oils, skin care and so on. Even the flower says self care.

This man is perfect.

__________________________________

Remus: Green chrysanthemum

Here's another interesting flower.

Chrysanthemum symbolizes death and it’s the typical flower used for funerals. And I thought this was its universal meaning. It was perfect for Remus just like that.

But then I found out that Europeans use chrysanthemums for funerals and to honor the dead. This flower actually has a whole lot of meanings, some completely different from this.

In China, for example, chrysanthemums are associated with wealth, prosperity and long life. Also they're symbols of new life and reincarnations, so they're the perfect gift for old people or newborns.

While in Japan chrysanthemums are symbols of power and royalty. And that's even more fitting for Remus, because he's a Duke, so he is royalty.

But chrysanthemum also symbolizes friendship - and not just "a friendship", but a meaningful one. It's a symbol of loyalty, devotion, romantic/platonic love and, in general, positive energy. It's a flower with an incredibly strong meaning, so it can't be given too lightly.

And this makes it even more perfect for Remus. It's a flower with a huge plurality of meanings, it's both associated with life and death, it's powerful and it's royalty.

Also, you can eat it. Isn't that the perfect Remus flower?

(On a side note: please notice how chrysanthemums and sunflowers are both associated with joy, loyalty and devotion. I would have never considered "joy" a common trait between Janus and Remus while loyalty and devotion... well, they both care about Thomas and his career and they both work for him despite not being accepted, so I can see why those are common traits.)

__________________________________

Patton: Nemophila

Surprise surprise, this flower wasn't easy to find. I’ve never heard of it, so I had to search among endless lists of blue flowers, hoping to find one that would perfectly match the one on the shirt.

And that’s how I found nemophila.

First of all: nemophila is also known as "Baby Blue Eyes" and it's an extremely rare color to find in nature. It’s very famous in Japan, thanks to the Hitachi Seaside Park. Open this link: it’s a literal sea of blue and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Of course, it attracts people every year.

Nemophila represents prosperity, congratulations on success and victory. Not the first things you would associate with Patton, right?

Well, while I was searching more informations about this flower, I found out this website about the essence of Baby Blue Eyes and the passage I quoted down below has the exact same words you can find on that link:

With its pronounced affinity for water, the Baby Blue Eyes flower essences addresses qualities of tender sensitivity, innocence and trust associated one’s early childhood relationship to the father, or other significant masculine figures that are in some way disturbed.

Very often the father was absent, or there was a lack of support or genuine presence. The Baby Blue Eyes type attempts over time to cover this wound of vulnerability with a false “hardening,” such as emotional distancing, mistrust, cynicism or spiritual alienation. It is a flower that can be equally helpful for men or women, although it is especially needed for many men who struggle to become strong, by disowning their pain.

So nemophilia’s essence has qualities associated with childhood, to the father figure and attempts to “repress” and hide emotions.

That’s Patton. That’s him, period. The childhood-related emotions, that are linked to Patton’s longing for “a simpler time”. The mentions of a father figure - who migh be absent or showing lack of support (like, idk, suggesting you should die so your friends live?). And the attempt to “cover the vulnerability” doesn’t remind you anything? Like the Nostalgia episodes?

This flower is Patton.

__________________________________

Logan: Blue petunia

I would like to say, from the bottom of my heart, a huge "FUCK YOU" to this flower, because I spent TWO DAYS searching all the blue flowers in the world and all possible variants, asking myself why this goddamn flower looked so familiar and why it was so hard to find. Blue isn't even a common color in nature, so why couldn't I find it?

I've learned more about blue flowers in these two days than in my entire life. I've searched among flowers I never saw before, like glandora diffusa, leschenaultia and omphalodes verna. I was so desperate to consider this flower a new species, with the petals of a bellflower and the corolla of a morning glory. I even found a goddamn chinese variant of the morning glory that was somehow similar but not that much and why, WHY this was so hard to find?!

And then, after two days and a lot more desperation, I remembered: my dear friend @reptilianwithscallions​ told me about a post they made, regarding this shirt and the flowers. Maybe they had some idea about Logan's flower?

Well, let's all thank my saviour and this post, because otherwise I would've kept searching until the end of my days.

Long story short, Logan's flower is a fucking blue petunia.

And it's a very peculiar choice, because petunias have multiple meanings, several of which can be contradictory.

In general, petunia symbolizes anger and resentment. It reminds someone that you're still angry or disappointed by their actions and you haven’t gotten over the things that caused these feelings.

Oh my, I didn't know we were back in Logan's playlist. It's basically what he kept expressing towards Thomas with his songs: that he was angry at Thomas for his decision, that he doesn't approve that Thomas hasn't "a real job" and so on. Petunia is a flower that screams passive-aggressive, so it's perfect for Logan.

But petunia's meaning deeply changes, depending on the color of the flower. And while petunia in general symbolizes anger, a blue petunia is a symbol of peacefulness, intimacy and deep trust, shared between two or more people. It's so wholesome, because the deep trust reminds me - again - of Logan's playlist and how it ended: no matter what, he and Thomas are always best friends.

Also, petunia flowers have even a secret meaning behind. Since they’re also gifted to new neighbors or to people who have just moved into a new home, they represent a perfect welcome and a way to express affection and kindness to others.

You’re lucky to be so wholesome, you tricky flower.

__________________________________

Virgil: Perennial Geranium

Geranium is a confused flower.

Some of the other flowers have conflicted meanings, but not as much as this flower. These are the most common meanings I found:

Folly or Stupidity

Gentility and kind nature

Clever minds

Ingenuity

Melancholy

Perfect gift for a bride

You can gift it to someone with whom you have planned a meeting 

You can gift it to someone with whom you haven't planned a meeting, just to make them feel welcomed

True Friendship

See? It’s confused.

Aside from jokes, this variety of meanings is due to its great diffusion: since geraniums grow everywhere, every culture gave them a different meaning. And sometimes these meanings depend on the situation too.

Awww, isn't it perfect for Virgil? He can be good and bad at the same time. Anxiety can be bad for Thomas and detrimental for his life, but it can also be the alarm Thomas needs. It depends on the situation.

And, just like geraniums in general symbolize positive emotions, happiness and friendship, so Virgil is in general a good guy. All he does is for Thomas' wellbeing, not against him.

And this is confirmed by the vast use of geranium's essential oil. It's one of the most popular and it has a ton of properties: anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-depressant, decongestant, relaxing and so on. Just like our Virge boy can be incredibly useful under the right circumstances. (Did someone say "Flirting with social Anxiety"?)

Also, geraniums are simple, humble flowers that usually grow outside, but then we take them and make them part of our homes. Once again, it’s Virgil: he's an outsider, he's humble, he talks bad about himself - but Thomas and the others took him and made him part of the famILY anyway.

__________________________________

Thomas: Cherry blossom

I searched this flower everywhere and the only one that looks like the one on the shirt is the cherry blossom. Why did Thomas make a cherry blossom with eight petals, when they all have five? I have no idea. Is this a different flower, maybe? Maybe, but I’m done: I've looked at enough flowers and I don’t have any strength left.

As you probably already know, cherry blossoms are extremely important in Japan. They're beautiful, they're everywhere and they're meaningful.

Why? Because cherry blossoms are considered the perfect metaphor for human existence. When they blossom it's a pink ocean, a party, people go to admire them - but they’re short lived, because in two weeks, the blossoms start to fall. It's just like human life: a small, rich, glorious parenthesis in the void. Something little and precious that ends soon.

But cherry blossoms also symbolize rebirth, optimism, hopes and dreams. When they bloom, it means springtime is coming and spring has always been associated with renewal.

That’s a very good choice for character Thomas. He’s basically a cherry blossom, the whole series is: something that reminds us how beautiful life is, how multi-faceted, how important. Just like Thomas' single being encompasses seven different sides of himself, so life presents a wide range of choices, of aspects, of flavours. All beautiful, all worthy of appreciation, no matter how different they can be from you and your experience.

And this becomes even more important, in relation to the passage of time and the transience of life. Because life is short and, after that, there won't be any more time to appreciate anything.

In addition to that, I would like to point out how the theme of passage of time is something we already saw in the series. And not just one time, but several. Since the first season, we have episodes all around the concept of growing up, growing old, not being a child anymore, becoming an adult. And the last Aside keeps going in this direction. It's clear this is a big theme and its connection with the cherry blossoms proves it.

But why is the flower so different on the shirt? Because Thomas wanted to mess up with us? Probably. Almost certainly. Once again, thank you Mr. Sanders for making me question everything.

The floor is (figuratively) yours now: if you have any other information, thoughts or opinions, feel free to share them.

_______________________________

TAGLIST:

@willpowerwisps @royalprinceroman @reesiereads @mudpuddlenl @shelby-711 @allmycrushesaredead @aquatedia @sweetkirbi @whatishappeningrightnow  @effortiswhatmatters  @atlasistryingherbest @bella-in-a-bag  @doydoune  @miasheer  @forever-third-wheeling @mishanthropist  @corndot @payte @mcang3l  @geekyapollokid  @kawaiipotatuh  @hypnossanders  @idontreallyknow24  @imcrushedbyarainbow  @simplyapannightmare  @patton-cake

@riseofthewerewolf @frog-candy-bee @bosspotato01  @rosesandlove44 @methaley @sololad  @firey-alex  @sashootkahoot​ @chewy-rubies @groaaaaan  @croftergamer​ @misty-the-girlflux-mess​  @thedevilseyes​  @arya-skywalker​  @csi-baker-street-babes​ @queen-of-all-things-snuggly

@virgildarknessdementiaravenway​ @mishanthropist​  @dracayd-universe​  @unknown-artworks​   @lonelyfangirl453​  @starlightnyx​ @alienvamp-hesitantflowerface​ @stubbornness-and-spite​  @alittletoo-extra​ @averykedavra  @iloveeverytjing123 @bookedforevermore @joyrose-fandomer @anachronismes @the-cloud-14  @mihaela-tbg @igonnatalknothing

@thatoneloudowl​  @grayson-22​  @softangryfuckingdepressed​ @theotherella​  @boopypasta​ @nevenastark​ @varthandi @floofyconfusednerd @nothing-worth-mentioning @mikalya12 @roses-bubbles @cuter-on-the-inside  @coldbookworm  @orchidstanslogan  @snixxxsmythe  @frog-candy-bee  @holleratyour-buoyancy @alexowlndra  @fadingbagelbananapatrol  @our-bloody-mari666  @cxsmospooks @we-need-more-empathy  @riverraysong

[moonysteaa]

A letter Dorcas wrote after Marlene’s death

Dear Marlene,

I’ve been feeling lonely these past few days, you know? The world has turned grey since you left. Mary tried to convince me to leave my bed for days now but I just can’t pull myself together although I should. The blankets still smell like you and your clothes are scattered around the room. I haven’t taken off your red sweater you love so much. Correction, you 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 so much.

It feels like the door could open every second and you’d come back home, back to me. But everyone is telling me that it’s not possible. Why? Why did you have a to leave so suddenly? We had plans, remember? I couldn’t even be with you in your last moments. I couldn’t say good bye, kiss you one last time, here your voice one last time, hold your hand this one last time.

This war has been hard from the beginning but at least we had each other. Now you’re gone and I’m alone. It hurts to see Lily and James holding onto each other like they’re the only one’s left in this world, it hurts seeing Alice and Frank kiss goodbye and it hurts seeing Remus and Sirius falling asleep on the sofa late at night. I know I shouldn’t be jealous, I should be happy they’re happy together. But how am I supposed to look at them when I lost the person who was the one keeping me going? They don’t understand.

You left me.

The light of my life, blown out by a simple flick of someone’s wand. Whoever that wand belonged to, I will find and kill them without hesitation. Revenge will make me feel better, right?

I know it’s not your fault, you didn’t choose to die, nor did your family. You know what’s weird? I miss your mom’s crazy cakes. And your dad’s stupid jokes. Especially the one he made up at the dinner table four weeks ago, that one stuck with me.

You know what I’m most scared of? It’s not Voldemort or his death eaters, it’s forgetting. Forgetting about you, all those little details. Your smile, your voice, your smell, your kisses and hugs. I feel like I’m just half me without you, like you took a part of my soul with you into the unknown darkness. That’s why I’m wearing that damn sweater of yours although the holes in it are getting bigger with every hour you’re not here. To have you around me so I can recall what it felt like to be with you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise. I remember my exact words: “We’ll survive this war, take our families and live a happy life somewhere safe. I promise.” I held your face in both of my hands and you just nodded silently. You tried to believe my words even though we both were aware of how threatening the situation would be. Were we too young for this?

You were my first and last love and I will never let you go. I don’t regret a moment we have spent together but if I could, I would go back in time and do everything possible to save you. I would sacrifice myself for you to be alive. I love you, forever and endlessly.

Until we meet again, Dorcas

P.S.: Harry asked for Aunt Cas, he misses you a lot.

[blessednereid]

August

WC: <4100

Mentions: Sexual innuendos, cursing, slut-shaming, Affairs/Adultery, Lying, Deceit

A/N: It’s an AU, basically where James and Lily don’t end up together, and the War ends before they graduate. Snape and Peter don’t become death eaters IG but that doesn’t really matter later on. Unedited, but it’s the last day of August so I gotta get it in NOW.

Pairings: James Potter x Reader, James Potter x Lily Evans, (future) Lily Evans x Reader

~~~

Y/N

*

Salt air

*

You and your boyfriend of two months are sitting on the shoreline of the shared beach near your houses. You’ve lived in the same neighbourhood for as long as you can remember, but never really noticed each other until your formative years. And the chemistry was undeniable, which is what led you to that precise moment.

“Hey, James… What do you think is going to happen when we go away for school?” you ask meekly.

Being a Beauxbaton student is as luxurious as it sounds. You never have to put up with brutish and grotesque boys in pissing contests, and while there may be catty classmates, there’s no fighting over boys. No heartbreak. No major drama.

That being said, that didn’t mean that none of you had boyfriends. You all had your fair share of suitors from Durmstrang or Hogwarts or some other school in the country. And yours was James Potter.

He is the epitome of a perfect boyfriend. He remembers small dates, like the exact day your cat died, and knows exactly what you need.

You don’t think you’ve loved anyone as much as you’ve loved him.

And that’s precisely why you’re so afraid to lose him.

You knew that the long distance between you would be difficult. What started as a summer fling quickly became something more, and James changed from a friend who could make you laugh your guts out to the boy that makes your heart sing.

He has his arms wrapped around you like a comforting blanket, and you know exactly what he’s thinking. The distance isn’t going to change my love for you.

But he doesn’t realize that it’ll change the amount he can express. And that’s going to be frustrating. You’ve only been together for a little while. So how would this even work?

“We just have to trust each other, darling. I love you, and you love me. That’s all that matters.”

“But James-”

“No buts,” he states stoically. “Nothing is going to change this. You just need to trust me, trust that this is going to work.”

James

*

And the rust on your door

*

He had told you exactly what he meant. That he loved you, and that you could trust him. He knew that he loved you, and that love had taken root in the deepest part of his heart. So when he opened the door to Sirius, Remus, and Peter’s room, since he would not be staying here this year, he not only felt excitement for the new year but sheer happiness at the fact that he had found someone who loved him as unconditionally as he loved her. He did feel some remorse that he wouldn’t be staying with his gaggle of mates though.

“Mate, what’s that grin on your face for? Haven’t gotten in any trouble without us, have you?”

Apparently, James’ inner monologue reflected on his face because all his friends were made aware of the grin on his face.

“No, I just…”

He’d managed to keep the relationship a secret from Sirius that summer because you didn’t want the already confusing relationship to be found out by the Wizarding World. For reporters to make it more convoluted and twisted than it actually was.

“I’m just glad to be back,” he says, deciding he needs to discuss with you if he could tell his friends about your relationship just yet.

*

I never needed anything more

*

When he saw Lily in classes the next day, a pang swam through his chest. He didn’t see her yesterday on the train. He wasn’t focusing on that. But now he was. He noticed that her red hair had been cut short to her shoulders and that she appeared much more confident. Her school blouse had the first two buttons popped, showing just the slightest bit of rosy cleavage.

No.

He had promised you that you could trust him, and you could. He knew you could. He was going to be the man that you deserved. Lily was in the past. Lily was a speed bump on his path to finding true love with you.

But why did the way he felt about Lily now feel as strongly as it did before?

And it didn’t help any when she waltzed up to his desk and straightened her arms right in front of his face, pushing out her chest, and making his lust and sexual drive soar. He was sure it was evident. That he’d broken out in a sweat, but he attempted to play it off as cool as an Autumn day.

“Hello James,” she greeted. “How was your summer?”

He gulped. In front of his eyes was a woman, the woman that he had wanted so desperately. He didn’t know her intentions, but he knew his thoughts. And if you could see his thoughts, could hear them… he knew you wouldn’t be pleased. He knew you’d realize that you’d been right in not trusting him. “Summer was fine, Lily-flower. And you? Hang around with Snivelly, any?”

“No, we haven’t talked since the end of last year. But I’m thinking that this is more room for opportunity, to make new friends, see the light, you know?” she grinned and it lit up his heart.

“So, I was talking to Remus, and he told me that I should give you a chance to be one of those new friends,” but the way she said friends implied something more. “And at first, I objected, and then I realized, I never really gave you much light in my eyes. Do you think you could change that, Jamesie?”

And fuck, if that didn’t make his heart race a little.

Lily

*

Whispers of "Are you sure?"

*

Lily and James were kissing passionately and furiously as they stumbled into her bedroom. Since becoming head girl, she had gotten her own dorm room. James had also gotten one, but Lily didn’t want to see how messy that room was.

She moved her hands from in between their two bodies and picked up her wand to cast several different nonverbal charms.

When she was done, she pushed James down onto the bed and began tearing off her clothes. And then his. When she was done and they were lying beside each other he muttered a final “are you sure?” to her, and she nodded. He kissed her with ferocious passion until the kiss became something more.

This happened again, again, again.

*

"Never have I ever before"

*

When James left Lily’s room for the fourth time that month, she pressed two fingers to her lips in reaction to his goodbye kiss.

“I’ve never felt this way about James. About anyone,” she thought.

He made her feel alive, he made her grin, he made her giggle, and he made her heart flutter when he was around her. Of course, she knew this when she approached him. She just didn’t think it would escalate to this level so soon.

She wants to shout to the world the way she feels about him, the way he makes her feel. How he can take her breath away and make her feel like the most important and most special girl on the planet.

Like she was made just and entirely for him, and that the same applied for him to her.

She couldn’t stop her wild dreams, the ones of vivid love and passion, the ones where he would kiss her, take her hand, and profess his love in grand displays. Where he’d fight for her and never leave her.

Fantasy and delusion never left her mind when it came to him.

*

Your back beneath the sun

*

He and she both lie underneath the sun, soaking up its rays, sharing its warmth, staring at the clouds trying to make out certain shapes.

It was a sunny December day, which was rare, so they were getting as much out of it as they could.

“James, we should study,” she lightly approached the devastating topic. “It’s not like I really want to, but what kind of example are we setting as head boy and girl?”

“Well, If we go back up to our dorms, nobody will know if we’re studying or doing something else,” he said with a wriggle of eyebrows.

“No, James!” she laughs, and he joins her. His pearly teeth both ensnaring her mind and rendering her unable to focus on anything but him.

“When’s the next Hogsmeade trip?” he asked casually while he laid back down with his head facing the sky.

“Most likely before the holidays.”

She saw his face contort when she mentioned the Christmas break.

“James, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, I’m just thinking about… the war.” His face was pale, and his face sour.

“I’m thinking of joining the order after I graduate, but it’s still scary, you know. I’m worried about my mum and dad.”

“Your parents are going to be fine, James,” she assured him, but she knew he would be fully relieved until the war was over and all death eaters were locked up.

*

Wishin' I could write my name on it

*

She was sitting with Remus in the library when he brought up James. Let the record show that he brought up James, not her.

“So, how is everything going with James?”

She sighed lightly. “It’s magic, Remus. Pun intended.”

He chuckled. “I’m glad you feel that way, Lily. Really, he’s a good guy once you get past that facade he puts on. I knew you’d like him.”

“Yes,” she says faintly. Doubts flood her head about his own feelings.

“What’s wrong, Lily?”

Her eyes turn down to her paper before reaching up again to meet his. “It’s silly, but… sometimes I wonder if he truly feels the same. I mean, most people don’t harbour feelings for one person for this long. What if all along it was just lust, and he’ll cast me away now that he’s satisfied that urge.”

“Lily, I promise you, James has had eyes for no one but you for many years. I highly doubt that it was lust, James isn’t like that.”

“You know,” she smiled. “You’re right. I just wish this didn’t have to be kept so hush-hush. The amount of girls I see fawning over him is grotesque.”

“So then ask him,” he pushed.

She took that as a challenge. “Alright. I will!”

*

The next time Lily saw James, they immediately rolled into bed and did what lovers do. But after that is when she posed the question.

“James, would we- will we ever be able to make this public?” she asked in a stern voice.

She saw thoughts swimming in his head for a moment.

“Lily,” he rolled onto his side. “We- I… This needs to be a secret for now. I mean, we are waist-deep into this war, and with my plans to go into the order, I can’t risk anyone coming after you.”

His logic made sense to her, and the wizarding world would get too caught up with the son of a prestigious wizard family being with a muggle-born in the middle of all of this.

He was right, she just had to swallow her jealousy for now.

*

Will you call when you’re back at school

*

The next week, there was a Hogsmeade trip, and despite them staying near the Marauders, really, it was a date for James and Lily. Or at least that’s what it felt like. An unofficial date.

They bought each other gifts to open over the holidays, kissed discreetly under mistletoes, and held hands while walking through the village.

When they went to get butterbeer for the rest of the group, there was a long but comfortable silence for a while.

“So what are you doing for the holidays?”

“Just going back home, maybe making some treats with my mum,” he said casually. “What about you?”

“Same as you, I guess. I’ll miss you, though.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

She tapped her foot absentmindedly as they waited. “What if I came with you?”

“What?” Panic flooded his face. “No, you couldn’t come with me, I’m afraid. My house is an Order safe place. If a death eater found it, you could be in danger.”

“You’re in danger just being there.”

“And you’re in danger by just breathing, Lily! That would be a double danger. I’m not risking that.”

She cringed at her sudden need to be close to him. “Right, sorry. It was a silly idea. A mindless thought.”

His face softened when he saw her embarrassment. “I’d love to bring you home, Lily, but it’s not safe.” But by now she could tell that he was lying, there was something more.

*

I remember thinkin' I had you

*

On the train back from London going to Hogwarts, Lily sat with Marlene and Dorcas, she hadn't seen them quite as much as she would’ve wanted since the school year started, and now was the perfect opportunity.

Lily felt remorse and guilt for not telling her friends about such a crucial part of her life, her relationship with James Potter, and truly she wanted to, but what if they judged her? And Marlene has had a reputation for having a loudmouth. What if she said something and word got out?

They conversed in idle gossip before an interesting topic was brought up. One that left Lily infuriated, and ready to murder a smug bastard.

“Have you heard about Potter and that Beauxbaton girl?”

Her eyes raised in curiosity and scorn. “What Beauxbaton girl?”

Dorcas revealed as much as she knew about you to Lily, your name, family, status in the Wizarding World. By the time she was done, Lily was struck with disbelief.

“And you’re sure they were kissing?” she said in response to Marlene’s information about the article in the Daily Prophet with a picture of them kissing.

“Yes!” she exclaimed.

“I have the article right here,” Dorcas mentioned.

“Way to bury the lead.”

“Oh shush,” she said and handed Lily the newspaper out of her bag.

She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The man she had been with for the past four months was kissing another woman. With Tongue.

“Well, that’s fantastic for him,” she said sourly. “He must feel so proud to have gotten a pretty girlfriend after pining after me for so long. I wonder how long it’ll be before he tries pining after me again,”

“Who knows, maybe it is serious,” Dorcas proposed.

Lily growled. “I don’t think it’s that serious if he’s sleeping with another woman.”

Marlene’s eyes widened. “You don’t mean-”

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” she said before exiting the cabin of the train and heading to find James Potter.

“So,” she said when she reached his compartment. “How long have you been seeing her?”

James looked shocked to see her. “Lily, I can explain.”

“Can you? Please explain then. Is this why I couldn’t come with you? Why you had to keep us a secret James? For Godric’s sake, how long have you been seeing her?”

He gulped. “Since the summer.” Even Sirius looked shocked.

“I lived in your house, and you didn’t tell me, mate?”

“Not the time,” Peter chastised.

“Are you serious James? You spouted all of that you love me bullshit when you were with someone else?” Her eyes radiated anger. It was like staring into the mouth of an actively-fire-breathing dragon. “Does she know about me?”

“No, she doesn’t,” he admitted.

Lily said one more sentence before stalking away. “Well, you better tell her, or I will.”

*

But I can see us lost in the memory

*

Lily had no intention of telling you anything. She didn’t even know you. How would she send an owl to a total stranger and tell them that their boyfriend has been cheating on them with herself?

Lily never set out to be a homewrecker. But she didn’t even know she was wrecking a home, to begin with.

This was James’ fault, and he was going to own up to it.

Besides, It deserved to come from him. Lily knew how she felt about being told that she was the other woman from some outside source, and she didn’t want to do that to anyone at all.

But not even the sting of betrayal could mask the ever-flowing sadness that emanated from Lily. She truly believed he was in love. And maybe he was. Just not with her. And that was okay, but she didn’t deserve what she was put through.

Still, that doesn’t stop the fact that she, herself, was in love with him, and how is she supposed to ever get over that betrayal.

*

August slipped away into a moment in time- 'Cause it was never mine

*

Within the next few months, Lily had fallen into a rut. Her grades began slipping, her mood and cheeriness faltered. Even though the Wizarding World War had recently been won, with death-eaters being locked away, that didn’t change her mood, because she wasn’t in the mood to celebrate, to begin with. Her friends noticed her down-in-the-dumps aura, and despite knowing the cause, and how it wasn’t their fault, they couldn’t help but want to help her, to fix her.

But no one could repair the damage that James Potter caused to Lily but Lily herself. And that started with making amends.

“I have to send a follow-up letter to that girl. So I’ll ask you. Have you told her yet?” She cornered James in the library because, despite Head Boy and Head Girl duties, they didn’t see each other much. After all, he was avoiding her as much as she was avoiding him.

He gulped, “I haven’t. Lily, I can’t tell her. It would kill her, she was so worried about the distance and when she saw me at Christmas break, she was so happy. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you started an affair with me, James. An affair I didn’t agree to. I didn’t want to be anybody's mistress. And she deserves to know, and I am going to send her a letter. Today! So if you don’t tell her, she will find out from me. I’ve given you months.”

“Lily, don’t do this. Please. I can’t tell her over an owl. It has to be in person.”

She faltered. He was right. His heart may have been in the wrong place, but his head is in the right one. Doing that, telling you over an owl could have devastating consequences. It was a discussion that had to be had in person.

“Easter Break. That is your chance, James Potter. After that, If you don’t I will.”

She turned on her heel and was about to leave the library when he grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“Lily, you have to understand, I never meant to hurt you,” he said. “I have fancied you for so long, and when you finally reciprocated this year, I didn’t want to pass up that chance. I was wrong. You are so amazing, and I shouldn’t have done what I did, but please believe this. You deserve so much, and I couldn’t and could never give that to you, but when I did this, I never meant to hurt anyone. I didn’t think it would go this far.”

She scoffed. “Well, it did, James. You hurt me. You betrayed me, and you betrayed her. Neither of us deserved that, no matter what.”

*

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets

*

Guilt twisted in her stomach every time she thought of you. Jealousy was surely a stage at first, everything about you had her enchanted, your hair, your eyes, your glowing skin. She was enthralled, and she could see why James was too.

And then she remembered his nights in her dorm, on her bed. Tossing and turning with her, his lips on her mouth, and she didn’t feel envy. She felt regret and culpability. If she had pressed James harder about whether his feelings really were the same as before, if he’d really wanted to do this, maybe he wouldn’t have done it.

And then she wouldn’t be in this position, and you wouldn’t be about to come crash-landing on impact with this heavy, and taboo truth.

But this wasn’t about her, Lily realized. This was about you. And how you were going to feel once James told you what happened when the train meets the station, and that is all Lily can think of as she sits on her bed, staring out of her window. When her owl knocks on the window to deliver her mail, the headline of the Daily Prophet is what catches her eye. “The Prodigal son in an affair with a Muggleborn witch!” It goes on and on about how a secret inside source heard an argument between the two of them in the Hogwarts library.

There is no doubt that you have seen this, and James didn’t get to tell you. Lily didn’t get to apologize to you. This just got a whole lot worse, and Lily didn’t know how she was going to deal with the sudden turn of events.

James is the villain here, she reminded herself. James is in the wrong, but she knew that she was still an unwitting accomplice. And her gut wrenched as she pondered on that very true fact.

*

August slipped away like a bottle of wine

*

Lily had to get away from the wizarding world, so although she didn’t plan on going home for the Easter holiday, she had to now.

She was being shamed for her insidious relationship with James, by certain people, mostly Snape and his friends, that bastard. Most everyone was supportive, they realized she had no idea about your relationship, but she was still worried about what you’d say to James, but more about what’d you’d say about her.

Had James told you that she didn’t know? That he lied to both of you. Would you be mad at her either way?

Shame pulsed through her body, and she couldn’t imagine what her mother would say when she told her if she ever did.

Though when she got home, her mother instantly noticed that something was wrong.

Knowing she couldn’t take her mothers knowing stares and hard gaze, she instantly confessed to everything that happened over the semester. Her mother didn’t judge her for having premarital sex as Lily thought she would, but rather comforted her daughter and reassured her. “If James is a half-decent person, he will tell her that you did nothing wrong, and she won’t be mad at you, Lily dear.”

Her mother's reassurance helped, but her rose bush of worry wouldn’t be clear of its thorns until she spoke with you.

*

'Cause you were never mine

*

When the break was over, and Lily was about to board the train station to the red engine that is the Hogwarts Express, someone was waiting for her at the door to the train.

“My train doesn’t arrive until later,” you say plainly. “I wanted to get here earlier though, to speak with you.”

Lily feels like she’s breaking out in hives under your eyes, and it’s not a good feeling.

“James told me about how you didn’t know about me, how you wanted him to tell me sooner, didn’t want me to find out from tabloids like you did.” You smiled at her.

“It really hurt me when I found out. I didn’t want you to feel that way, but you still deserved to know. I’m just sorry you found out like that anyway.”

“James already boarded the train, but I wanted to let you know we’re no longer together if you still wanted to be with him,” you said meekly.

Lily’s eyes grew to the size of saucers. “Godric, no! He’s a git.”

You laughed.

“I know we may not be able to be friends, but maybe it’ll be better if we work through all of this together, all three of us,” Lily proposed.

“Yes, individually, dually, all together, doesn’t matter, it needs to be resolved.”

Lily sighed a breath of relief. “Somehow, I feel lighter.”

“Me too.”

As Lily was about to board the train, you called out to her. “Lily!”

She whipped her head to face you. “We can be friends if you’d like, you know.”

That made Lily smile, and honestly, it made her heart bloom with a vague, but familiar feeling.

[decennia]

I don't know who needs to fucking hear this, but I'm about to say it with my full chest:

SEVERUS SNAPE DESERVES NO RIGHTS, I SAID WHAT I SAID.

Why? I'll tell you why:

Let's start with Neville Longbottom. Often the butt of the joke, Neville was often played up for comedic effect, so I can understand why we never took the implications of his boggart seriously.

But the fact of the matter is: Neville Longbottom was more terrified of his potion's teacher than he was of Bellatrix Lestrange, a woman who was a proud Death Eater who tortured his parents into insanity, a fate several people throughout the series state as "worse than death."

I've heard the argument from Snape Apologists that Boggarts are "superficial" creatures, so they don't go much deeper for a fear of yours, and, having gleaned a recent and prevalent one, will shift into that. Hence why it would be Snape, who recently tormented Neville, rather than Bellatrix, who Neville has never met.

It still stands, however, that Bellatrix is a known Death Eater, and Snape was just his potion's teacher.

We also see from Harry's own experience with the boggart, that the boggart hesitated before turning into the dementor. It "chose" which of Harry's fears to become, Voldemort, or fear itself?

Now, because I always listen to both sides of a story, try and see it from both perspectives before I draw a conclusion, I asked myself "why?"

There never is a good reason for abuse, but I still tried to look at it from Snape's eyes. And the conclusion drawn was literally the same as almost every single motivation for every one of Snape's decisions: because of Lily.

Neville was born several hours before Harry, and was a contender for being "the Chosen One" (the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies) but Voldemort chose Harry.

By Snape's logic, it meant that if Voldemort had chosen Neville, Lily would've still been alive for him to woefully pine for from a distance.

And so he takes it out on a fucking c h i l d.

He abuses him, torments him, and even forces Neville to poison his pet toad, Trevor, who has been shown to be of incredible significance to Neville.

And when the potion doesn't poison Trevor? And actually proved to be a competent potion? Snape made his displeasure known by deducting five points from Gryffindor.

I know that's not a Big Deal™ in the grand scheme of things, but we have to remember that Neville was a CHILD.

Moving on from Neville, let's get to: Lily.

Remember what I said before, about Lily being his end-all and be-all for everything? I meant it.

I'm not saying she was the sole reason Snape became a Death Eater, but she was the "last straw."

Snape's dislike for muggles stemmed not from Lily (of course not, he loved her), but from his father. Yes, I remembered his father, Tobias Snape. The muggle, the abuser. Apples and trees, I guess. From what I recall, Tobias was never physically abusive towards Eileen, Snape's mother, but he was emotionally and mentally abusive towards her. This would be cause for resentment for any young child growing up in that environment.

But, for a moment, may I direct your attention to Harry James Potter?

Who grew up that exact same way with the Dursleys?

Who was also neglected (Severus was said to have ill-fitting, mismatched clothes, sound familiar?) but who also did not have Eileen there to protect him?

And did Harry ever become a member of a muggle hate group? (No. The answer is no, in case you all didn't remember that Very Important Detail of the series).

So, yes, Snape was abused, and no, I am not condoning it, I do sympathize with him on that front: no child should ever go through that. Ever. No matter the fucking child, there is no good reason for it. But do I condone his actions later on in life? Absolutely not.

Because he called Lily a "filthy mudblood."

Not just "mudblood", but a filthy one, too. And why did he do that? Because she defended him against his bullies. Yes, Sirius and James were bullies, I guess everyone's faves are a little problematic in this bitch.

And not only did he call her that, but he also was besties with people who fancied themselves the next generation of Death Eaters.

And when Lily asked him if he STILL intended on becoming one, he never gave her an answer, prompting her to sectumsempra all ties with him. Meaning, she probably gave him multiple chances to not be a raging bigot, none of which he took. Love of his life my fucking toe, gtfo—

Also, Snape obviously knew what his "friends" were doing at the time. Particularly, and especially, Mulciber's attack on Mary Macdonald.

Now, we can't talk about Lily without talking about James and the Marauders.

I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THAT THE MARAUDERS BULLIED SNAPE, OKAY? But listen up: still not a good enough reason to join the wizarding world's KKK. Actually there is no good reason, period, end of message, send tweet.

He loathed them so much, he literally gave zero fucks about their wellbeing.

Even though! Sirius' biggest crime against Severus is jokingly telling him to follow Remus Lupin under the Whomping Willow during that time of the month.

And Severus would swear that James' biggest crime against him (after "stealing" Lily, of course) would be stopping him from encountering the werewolf and saving his fucking life.

Where the fuck was that reciprocated energy when Snape KNEW that James was also marked for death?

Also, are you going to tell me, that with his ear so pressed to the ground about news on Lily, that he didn't know who the real rat was? That he didn't know that it was Peter Pettigrew? This is speculatory, but... Snape had to have known that Sirius was not the betrayer, he must've at least known it was Pettigrew, meaning he let an innocent man waste away in Azkaban and for what? Something that happened when they were kids? I wonder why Sirius is a "stray dog" idk probably because someone let him rot in Azkaban for thirteen years?

Don't even get me started on how he literally stepped over James' body to get to Lily's while Harry sat there crying. Please. Or the fact that he only wanted Lily spared? He literally said "yes, only her, please, Dark Lord, fuck that newborn"?

OKAY AND MY FINAL POINT BECAUSE THIS GOT TOO LONG AND HONESTLY I'M LITERALLY WAY TOO FUCKING ANGRY AT THIS POINT... I PRESENT TO THE COURT: THE CARROWS.

Severus had been made headmaster of Hogwarts, and what does he do? Allow the Carrows to torture muggleborns and first years. Eleven year olds. Disgusting. Please. What the fuck.

I don't think Severus Snape died a fucking hero, or in "penance." NOT when twelve hours prior, he'd been turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to eleven year olds screaming as the Cruciatus Curse was used on them.

Also, James never sexually harassed Lily? Wanna discuss sexual harassment? How does "waiting outside the Gryffindor common room until someone lets you in even though it has been made very clear that the person you want to speak to doesn't want to speak to you" sound?

I am not denying that Severus Snape is a tragic character; he's a very complex and somewhat interesting one, even. All I am saying is that I don't think saying "always" on the brink of death excuses any of your past actions. He's a martyr at best — having his sins "forgiven" by sacrificing himself for a just cause.

Yes, this is a hill I'm willing to die on. But, as always, I am open to a respectful conversation (not argument, conversation). If you disagree, I'd love to hear why. Try and change my mind; as long as you do so respectfully, I will hear you out.

[fandom-puff]

Keep Going

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader

Requested by: @sunshine-weasley ‘Soft dom Remus ( old remus no teacher x student tho) coaxing and praising you through multiple orgasms as you're sobbing and shaking and then he takes care of you as your all whiny and sensitive 💕 ‘

Notes: okay so this is like... older remus, and this is taking place in about... OOTP time, so everybody’s at Grimmauld Place

Warnings: overstimulation, praise kink, soft Dom!remus, use of toys, very slight degradation but it’s more like... condescension, daddy kink

Gif creds to owner

“Remus! Please, I can’t...” you whined out, squeezing your eyes shut as your toes curled. You were kneeling on the bed, thighs trembling as a toy buzzed between your thighs. You couldn’t move it away from your sensitive nub; your hands were tied firmly behind your back, and the toy was held in place by your knickers.

“Sorry, who? Didn’t quite catch that,” he said cheerfully and you squirmed, whimpering.

“Sir!” You moaned, head tipping back as Remus fiddled with the remote control, increasing the intensity of the vibrations. You felt tears slipping down your cheeks. “Daddy,” you whispered, voice cracking. “Daddy, please... I can’t... too sensitive!”

Remus looked down at you, quickly swiping your tears off your cheeks. “Too sensitive, Hmm?” He asked, voice gentle as he watched you writhe pathetically. “Then I guess you won’t be wanting my cock in your little hole, princess?” He said, almost nonchalant. Your eyes snapped open and you looked up at him pleadingly.

“No! No- daddy, please! Want your cock! Want- want it, please!” You babbled, rocking your hips in the air as you felt yet another orgasm approach. “I- fuck, daddy, please! Gonna-“ your head tipped back as your thighs tensed and Remus smiled softly.

“Aww... does my baby want to come on Daddy’s cock? Even though you’ve been making a mess in your pretty knickers for the past hour... how many times have you cum, Sweetheart?” He asked, tipping your chin to make you look at him.

Your lower lip wobbled. “Can’t remember,” you moaned, head dropping forward against his shoulder. “Too many times, Daddy, I can’t remember- please! Just wanna come on your cock- s’much better than this!” Remus smiled and stroked your back, reaching to untie your hands. You knew better than to try to move the toy, so gripped onto his arms instead. “I-I- oh, please!” You sobbed, crying into his chest. Remus frowned, leaning down to murmur in your ear.

“Tell Daddy your col-”

“Green! Green! Fuck, I don’t wanna stop!” You said quickly, looking up at him.

Remus surveyed you for a moment, before brushing his lips against yours. “Here’s what we’re gonna do, Princess,” he murmured, turning the vibe off. You moaned, but if it was with relief or withdrawal, you couldn’t tell. “You’re gonna be a good girl and cum one more time on the vibrator, okay?” You nibbled your lip and nodded, looking at him with wide eyes. “And then, for being such a good girl, I’m gonna let you have my cock,” you smiled brightly and nodded, already wiping your tears.

“Okay,” you said. Remus kissed you gently, swallowing your moans as he started the toy up again, on a medium setting so as not to overwhelm you.

He smiled, pulling away from your lips to tug at your nipples, before taking your hands in his. You squeezed onto them, hiding your face in his chest as he wedged his thigh between yours, pressing the toy flush against your clit. You moaned, now holding his hands in a death grip. “I’m- Daddy- I’m-” you panted, arching your back.

“Good girl, princess, come for daddy,” he murmured into your ear, holding you tight against him as your body convulsed. “You’re such a clever little girl, princess,” he praised, and you moaned weakly as he reached between you to rid your knickers of the toy. You moaned lowly, and pretty soon you were circling your hips. “Aw... princess, are you ready for daddy’s cock?” You nodded desperately, feeling his hardened length against you. “Such a sweet, desperate little thing,” he cooed. “Be a good girl and lay back- I’m sure your little legs must be tired after all that,”

You didn’t need telling twice, scrambling to lay on your back, parting your legs eagerly. Remus grinned, slowly easing your knickers down your thighs, admiring the wetness that pooled in the gusset and coated your slit. “I bet you taste divine, sweetheart, but that can wait,” you nodded in agreement, making grabby hands at him. He smiled fondly, gripping his thick cock at the base and guiding it into you. He slipped in with ease thanks to your slickness, and you whined out at the delicious stretch of not having your hole played with and licked before he entered you. “So tight, princess... I can already feel you clenching around me,” he groaned as he began thrusting into you, bracing his arms on either side of your head as you wrapped your legs around his hips, rocking upwards to meet his thrusts. “Can you hold off for Daddy, just for a little longer?”

You whined, but nodded, whimpered a small “‘kay,” as he began to pound into you, grunting into your ear, a deep growling edge to his voice as he told you what a perfect little princess you were, how good you were for him, how good your tight little cunt made him feel. His thrusts became sloppy and his noises became louder as he neared his finish. “Come with me, YN, sweetheart, good girl- fuck!” He shouted, thick ropes of his seed painting your walls as you climaxed, screaming out in ecstasy as you milked him of everything he had.

Panting, whimpering, swearing, you flopped onto your back as Remus cast the usual charms, before pulling you into his chest. “I’m so proud of you, Princess,” he murmured. You nodded sleepily, nuzzling close to him, whining slightly as your thighs pressed together, stimulating your oversensitive nub. “Shhh... I know...”

“Daddy...” you mumbled, curling into him, hiding your face.

“I know. But you need to have some water and go to the loo before you sleep, Princess. Can you do that for daddy?” You nodded and Remus smiled, helping you up on shaky legs to the bathroom. As you relieved yourself, Remus filled a glass of water and handed it to you after you had washed and dried your hands. You drank a few gulps until it was mostly empty and Remus smiled, kissing your cheek. “Good girl. Would you like a hot bath, princess?”

You shook your head. “No. Wanna sleep, daddy,” you said, yawning for effect. Remus smiled and scooped you up, carrying you to bed and helping you under the covers. You reached out for him and he smiled, getting in with you, his arm wrapping around you as you snuggled into him, clinging like a koala bear. “Love you,” you slurred, pressing a few butterfly kisses to remus’s warm chest as you floated off to sleep, lulled by the sound of his thudding heart and the safe warmth of his arms.

Tags: @liliputbahn @lilymurphy03 @pinkandblueblurbs @wholebigboxofyikes @remus-lupin-simp @dailyalanrickman @cremedelabrulee @simpforsnape @imareallygrumpyme @ithinkweallsing @lizlil @truly-insatiable @whizzbeesdukes @sassicaismysupreme @acciosiriusblack @highfunctioningfangirl19 @sw33tgirl @sociallyawkward-princess

[fruitcoops]

oo could you write a fic ab the first time julian says “I love you” to sirius and sirius just melts and it’s such a seal of approval for remus watching them

A series is only over until it's midnight and I start having feelings about my boy Julian. This prompt isn't the main focus of the story, but I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for sending such a sweet prompt in! SW credit goes to @lumosinlove

You can find the rest of "Jules lives with Coops for a week" here

TW for a child getting lost temporarily

Jules wasn’t lost. He was just…a little turned around. Yeah, just turned around. That was all.

He began ripping tiny tears in the left side of his taffy wrapper as he scanned the crowd for any signs of Remus. There was nobody Jules wanted to see more than his big brother at the moment, even though Sirius was surely still with him and much easier to spot. It was a stupid, little-kid thought—he was ten years old, for crying out loud—but his palms were starting to sweat and his face was getting hot and Remus was always safe and Jules was—

He was scared.

“Re?” he tried, barely above a whisper. The wax paper was slick between his fingers. Come on, he can’t hear you if you’re quiet. He cleared his throat. “Re?”

There was no answer. The weight of the quarter in his pocket wasn’t nearly as heavy as the weight of Remus’ absence. Jules hadn’t even been trying to slip away in the first place; the coin was just so shiny, and he had seen a gumball machine by the entrance when they arrived at the mall. The mere thought of bubblegum made him queasy, now.

Part of him wanted to go looking for Remus and Sirius; they were supposed to be at the bookstore by then, if his memory was correct. But the stronger, smarter part of his brain knew that he should stay where he was until they found him. They would notice he was gone. Of course they would notice. He was short, but they were tall, so they would have no trouble seeing him.

They’ll be upset. Realization crashed into him and he started working on the right side of the wrapper. I ruined the afternoon for one lousy quarter. What am I, three?

Jules took a deep breath and stood on his toes; his sneakers squeaked on the tile, and a lady in a big coat glared at him from a nearby table before turning back to her newspaper. He made a face at the back of her head.

A flicker of reddish hair caught in his periphery, but the person strolling past Starbucks looked nothing like Remus. Twice, he thought he saw Sirius—both times, his hopes were dashed within seconds. “Re?” he called again, raising his voice slightly.

“—and I was like, Jules, come on,” someone laughed as a large group passed in front of him.

Jules’ heart skipped a beat and he took off running, shoving through the mass of bodies with half-mumbled apologies until there, there’s his coat and—

“Oh. Hello.”

He blinked up in utter shock. “You’re not Remus.”

“No, sorry.” Behind his thick glasses, the man’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

The woman next to him leaned down to Jules’ level. “Are you lost?”

“No,” he said immediately, unwinding his arms from the man’s waist and taking a step back. He wasn’t stupid. He knew about stranger danger. “I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. The gentleness of her voice reminded him just enough of Sirius to make his throat hurt.

Jules glanced between them. “You said my name. I—I thought—nevermind.”

“Will you wait here with us until you find whoever you’re looking for?” Now that Jules could see him properly, the man only vaguely resembled Remus. His jaw was too pointy, and his hair was far too red, like Finn’s. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be by yourself with so many people around.”

“Sure,” he agreed after a moment. Neither of them were giving him the heebie-jeebies so far.

The woman’s hair was the prettiest shade of pink he had ever seen. “Where did you last see your people?”

Jules pointed toward the pretzel stand, about fifty feet away. “We had just passed that.”

And it was my own fault in the first place, he didn’t add, even though it was true. The thought was enough to make his eyes itch; he sniffled twice. Don’t cry, don’t cry, you’re fine.

“Hey, it’s okay.” The man crouched and dug around in his pocket before handing over a clean napkin. “We’ll find them soon. How long have you been waiting?”

“I dunno.” Time was hard. Sometimes Jules thought he had been waiting an hour when it had only been ten minutes, but sometimes he blinked and fifteen had passed. “Five minutes, maybe?”

The lady’s reassuring smile reminded him of Ms. Dorcas. “I’m sure they’ll—”

“Jules!” a familiar voice shouted, followed by a half-muffled ‘holy shit’ that he barely heard as he whipped around. He hardly had time to open his mouth before Remus appeared from the crowd in a flash of motion and yanked him in for a hug. Around the dizzying relief, Jules wondered if his knees hurt from hitting the ground, but Remus was making a funny sort of wheezing noise as he held him in a death grip. “Oh my god.”

“Are you his parents?” the woman asked.

“I’m his brother, oh my god,” Remus said, pulling away to hold Jules’ face in his hands. His eyes were a bit red and he was panting, though he didn’t look like he had been running. Behind him, Sirius was paler than Jules remembered. “Where were you? We were walking and I turned around and you were gone—”

Jules burst into tears.

Not even cool, tragic-hero-backstory tears, either. His face was damp, his nose was running, and he couldn’t stop hiccupping because you’re here, you’re here, I thought I lost you.

“Hey, no, shh,” Remus soothed, kissing his forehead as he folded him back into his arms and rocked back. Jules buried his face in the side of his neck and clutched his coat like a lifeline. “Shh, I’ve got you.”

“I’m sorry,” he blubbered. “It was an accident.”

“I know, buddy, it’s okay. Can you tell me what happened?”

“I saw a quarter.”

“…what?”

“I saw a quarter,” Jules repeated. His cheeks heated with shame. “I picked it up, but someone pushed me and—and when I stood up there were too many people an’ I couldn’t see you so I waited for you.”

“I’m so sorry.” Remus’ voice sound odd, higher and tighter than usual. “You did exactly what you were supposed to do. God, Jules, I’m sorry.”

“ ‘s not your fault.”

Remus let him go with a weak laugh and swiped at his tears with his sleeve. “It’s my job to look after you, buddy. Don’t pick up any more quarters, though, okay?”

“Okay.” As much as Jules wanted to protest that he was ten, he could look after himself, he had to admit it felt nice to know he wasn’t entirely to blame. He held out the crumpled tissue. “Here.”

“Thanks, buddy.” Remus blew his nose, then frowned. “Hang on, where did you get this? ‘Cause if it’s been sitting in your pocket for god knows—”

“I gave it to him,” the man interrupted with a sheepish smile. “And it was only in my pocket for about twenty minutes, I promise.”

Remus glanced up at them in surprise as he stood, like he had forgotten they were there. “Did you find him?”

“He found us, more like,” the lady joked. “It was only for a couple minutes.”

“I can’t thank you enough.” He sounded like he was going to start crying again, so Jules leaned into his side in support. The action did not go unnoticed; Remus’ arm wrapped around his shoulders and held him close.

The man shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Stay safe, kid.”

“I will,” Jules promised. Remus let out a shaky breath and sagged against Sirius as the pair walked away.

“That was the longest eight minutes of my life,” Sirius said, his voice hoarse.

“Am I in trouble?” Jules asked quietly.

Remus ran a hand through his hair. “No. You scared the shit out of us, but as long as it wasn’t on purpose, you’re not in trouble. Ready to head home?”

“Aren’t we supposed to go to the bookstore?”

“I think I’ve had enough of malls for today.” Sirius bent down and Jules practically fell into his open arms, snuggling into the soft fabric of his hoodie. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah. Did you know you give awesome hugs?”

He felt a soft laugh against his cheek. “So I’ve been told.”

“I knew you’d come back for me.”

“There was never a doubt about that, buddy.”

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, sinking into the warmth that had become familiar. The hero-worship had started to fade as he grew to know Sirius off the ice, but he liked it better that way. “Love you.”

Sirius’ breath caught under his palms and he gave Jules a light squeeze. “I love you, too. Do you want to ride on my shoulders back to the car?”

Of all the questions Jules had been asked that afternoon, that one was the easiest to answer.

[jamesandthedog]

I think it’s still @blitheringmcgonagall ‘s birthday where she lives so happy birthday you vaguely shining light of my life! No present could express how glad I am to have you as a friend, but have a little bit of fast written and very unedited Jily:)

Stuffed in Sirius’ drawer

James remembered Lily’s voice and how her hand felt wrapped around his own. At least he thought it was her hand. He remembered seeing the familiar features of his best friend hovering high above him and he thought he had heard voices. He may have slept somewhere between those thoughts, he wasn’t sure. Everything felt a little groggy, dream-like, just like the pain he remembered vaguely in the back of his mind, or those white-clothed witches and wizards he thought he’d seen walk by.

When he really put his mind into it, he could remember fighting Death Eaters near Portobello Road, but now it all seemed fuzzy. It had been late evening, but it wasn’t dark anymore. Where was he?

“James, are you awake?”

There was the voice again, her voice. This was James’ favourite dream, the one were Lily talked to him. Sometimes it was just a voice, sometimes a touch or blurry outlines of her face disappearing before he could quite see them. Though now something in this drowsy state of mind felt different, as if she was closer.

When James tried really hard, he could imagine Lily was holding his hand with both of hers, sitting beside a hospital bed. The image was shattering, there was too much light and he thought she looked tired, worried.

“Great. We’ve wanted him to shut up for years and this is when he decides to listen.”

“Shut up, Sirius,” Lily said and it came out almost as a cry.

“He’s going to be alright,” said a third voice, more soothing.

Remus, James realised.

This dream felt more real than the ones before.

“Stop pissing her off, Padfoot,” James muttered.

He heard Sirius laugh. Maybe he heard Lily whisper a Muggle prayer.

It took James some time to open his eyes and realise that Lily really was there. He couldn’t see her properly, he didn’t have his glasses on, but she was there, smiling, her lips kissing his fingers. Then he saw Remus, one hand on Lily’s shoulder as if he’d been massaging her shoulder to calm her down. Sirius was on the other side of the bed, leaning on the window frame, looking like he hadn’t had a shower in days.

“Should’ve known you’d come back from death just to defend Lily,” Sirius said.

James smiled.

“How are you?” Lily asked, placing his glasses on his face and kissing his forehead.

James thought about it. He felt a little sore, not much.

“You’re in St Mungo’s. You’ve been passed out for three days,” Remus added as Sirius walked on the edge of the bed.

That explained the bandages. Three days? Had they given him a sleeping potion? Shit. He moved a little and his whole body ached, making him grimace. Shit.

“Never better,” he smiled.

Lily took a long, shaky breath. James looked at her, and now that he was able to see her clearly, he could see she was upset. She had tears in her eyes. It felt was worse than the actual aching in his chest. James squeezed her hand that was still holding his.

“Good. You really scared Lily,” Sirius grinned.

“Scared me?” Lily scoffed. “You were the one considering going back to your parent’s house to do research on dark magic in case we needed to bring James back from the death!”

“I’d say it’s fair to say you scared all of us,” Remus concluded. “If Peter wasn’t on Order duty, he’d be here to worry over you too.”

James looked at them. He could see the worry boiling in Lily, and he knew Sirius could act calm but the idea of losing any one of his friends got to him. Remus was probably the most sensible one when it came to death, he’d given the idea some thought a long before the war started. He’d probably been the one to guide the others through the past three days, and James didn’t think he could even thank Remus enough for doing so.

“So… You all got out of there unharmed? What happened?” James asked.

Lily bit her lip. She didn’t look at him.

“Snivellus hit you with that curse. Remember the one that cut you at school?” Sirius said, anger in his voice. “Only he’s gotten better at it because it wasn’t just a cut of two, you were bleeding all over. And you know how Bella gets, I couldn’t get to you past her and fucking Snape.”

Lily looked down at their hands and took a long breath collecting herself. James hated putting her through this. Whatever Snape did wasn’t her fault. James squeezed her hand.

“I managed to disparate you, but that was after Snape had thrown a Crusiatus at you,” Lily said quietly. “It took ages for the heelers to stop the bleeding.”

“Your girlfriend hasn’t left the hospital since. And neither has Padfoot,” Remus concluded.

James took a breath and nodded. That explained why he felt his whole body ache. James remembered some of it now. Battling against Snape, the man had sought him out like he always did when he couldn’t see Lily around.

“Thanks. For getting me out of there and, everything,” James said, looking at each of them.

“Thanks for not dying,” Sirius shrugged.

“Me, shutting up for live?” James asked remembering the first words he’d heard Sirius speak. “No way I’d give you the pleasure.”

“I’d hit you if you weren’t looking so crappy already, you know?” Sirius grinned.

“Can I… Can we have a moment?” Lily asked, looking at the two boys.

Remus nodded. “Yeah. I’ll take Sirius home so you can talk. That mutt needs a bath anyway.”

They left, and James was left with Lily. Now that the others were gone she had hard time keeping her eyes dry.

“Hey, I’m here. I’m okay,” James said, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing her palm. “Are you okay?”

A sob escaped her lips, but she nodded, pressing her lips together.

“If you ever – EVER – scare me like that again I swear I-“ Lily started.

“Showcase your Muggle swearwords?” James raised a brow as he interrupted her. He loved listening her swear the Muggle way with all her Gods and Christs.

“Don’t start joking mister couldn’t-wake-up-for-three-days,” Lily snapped, but he knew she was relieved to hear him being back to his joking self. “Besides you told me you’d always win him in a battle!”

He had sworn that not too long ago, when Lily had witnessed Snape seeking James out in a battle two times in a row. It had happened earlier too, and James had a feeling Snape only did it when he thought Lily wasn’t around. But she had caught up to it, so James was forced to talk to her about it. He didn’t want her to worry, and honestly he was better at combat, so he had told her she didn’t need to worry about it.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, apologetically.

“I don’t need you to be sorry, I need you to stay alive, you idiot!”

She was sobbing now through the anger and yelling. James tried to sit up, but it was too fast and hurt his chest where Snape’s first curse had hit him. Lily stood up to stop him, but he got up sitting anyway, this time slowly. He pulled Lily closer by the hand until he could hug her. It wasn’t a full hug, not the type of warmth and comfort he was able to give when his chest wasn’t covered in wounds.

Lily cried, her tears wetting the skin on James’ neck as his fingertips draw calming patterns on her back.

“I am alive. I’m not going anywhere,” he hushed, pressing a kiss into her neck.

“You better not,” Lily said. “I’m pregnant.”

James’s fingers stopped petting her back. He let the air escape his lungs and pulled back just enough to see her face, it still hurt but it was the fastest thing on his mind.

“You what?” He asked, wiping a tear from her cheek.

“You heard me, Potter,” she said with defiance in her voice.

James snorted at it and glanced somewhere above just to take time to comprehend it. It was definitely not something they had been planning. They had been careful. Except maybe… Well, they may have not always waited quite as long as they should have after Lily took the potion preventing this sorts of thing from happening.

“And I’m keeping it so you better not die on us,” Lily added when James looked at her again.

It was a war and bringing a child into that certainly didn’t seem like a responsible thing to do. But when he looked at Lily, he knew what he had known for years. He wanted her. The chaos of war had only made him more certain of it. He hadn’t dare to dream of live after war for quite some time, but there had always been that distant idea of creating a family with her. Their little life together.

James nodded, giving her a smile. “Can you send an owl to Pads?”

Lily raised her eyebrows.

“You really want to write Sirius a letter right now?”

“I need him to bring me something,” James smiled.

“I tell you I’m pregnant and the only comment I get is your need to write to Sirius?”, she asked.

James rolled his eyes and kissed her softly.

“Fine,” he gave up on the letter and brushed a strand of hair from her face. “But if this is going to be very lame because I can’t even get off the bed, you’re the one to blame.”

“James? That makes literally no sense,” Lily frowned. “Are you alright? I’m going to call a heeler.”

James laughed and kissed her again before she had time to move away from him.

“No,” he shook his head and kissed her once more, slowly, bringing his hand in her neck. “I just mean, I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. And I can’t promise you I won’t ever die. But I swear I’ll do anything to keep us all safe. I can’t get on one knee-“

“James what-“

“And the ring is stuffed in Sirius’ drawer –“

“James-“

“I fucking love you, Evans-“

“Oh my god.”

“I love your laughter. I love your fierceness. I love your wit. I love how big heart you have. I loved to wake up to your voice today. I love everything about you, even the things that annoy me. And I’m not saying this just because you’re pregnant. Will marry me, Evans?”

There were tears in Lily’s eyes again. His hands had moved to cup her face as he’d spoken and she was holding onto his wrists. He tried to read her expression but he was too nervous to catch her thoughts just by reading her.

“You have a ring stuffed in Sirius’ drawer?” She asked.

“He said I should commit to a ring at least for three months before chaining myself for life.”

“How long has it been there?”

“Around two months.”

Lily nodded. “He’s going to be pissed.”

James raised his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she smiled.

“You’re really going to marry me, Evans?”

“I’m really going to marry you, Potter,” she laughed, and pulled him gently closer, pressing her lips on his.

In that moment James was sure no death eater, not even Voldemort could stop them from winning the war. He had simply too much to live for. So he kissed her back, and felt nothing but utter joy until twenty minutes later when the tiredness took over his aching body and he fell asleep smiling.

[castexpectopatronum]

Liquid Amber - Part III [Remus Lupin x Reader Imagine]

Summary: You had been crushing on Remus Lupin for an eternity when you finally decided to ask him out. However, things do not go as planned and you remain wondering just what exactly is going on with this boy.

notes: reupload because the original got deleated

trigger warnings: none

word count: 1.9k

Masterlist

What was Remus Lupin hiding?

The question was burning inside of you ever since your encounter in the corridor a few days ago. And even though you knew that it was none of your business, you still were determined to find out.

Concerning this matter, it was fortunate you fancied Remus as that made you far more observant of him. Whenever you could, you shot glances at him, during meals and classes, and paid special attention to his behaviour. You did notice that he seemed rather sick, he looked pale and peaky and he seemed to be growing weaker by each day.

Then, he disappeared. When you stepped into the Transfiguration classroom one day, already late, only to find his seat empty, a deep frown appeared on your face. His friends, James, Sirius and Peter, were there, but unusually quiet and had black shadows under their eyes. Peter even fell asleep during the lesson; his soft snores filled the classroom until Sirius nudged him with his ellbow causing Peter to almost fall from his chair. You observed them carefully while pretending to listen to Professor McGonagall’s lecture. Perhaps the Marauders had pulled off an all-nighter of some sort but that still didn’t explain Remus’ absence. Maybe he had a hangover – although you failed to imagine Remus as some kind of party animal.

Remembering how sickly he had looked the day before, you decided to check the Hospital Wing for him and bring Remus some chocolate bars from Honeyduke’s which you knew he loved.

However, when you entered the Hospital Wing, you found that it was already occupied. James, Sirius and Peter were huddled around a bed at the far corner of the room, hiding the person lying in it from your view. The expression upon their faces turned into one of surprise once they spotted you, mirroring your own.

“Sorry,” you said, taken aback by their presence – although now that you thought about it, you should have expected it. “I didn’t know you were here. I was just looking for Remus.”

The three of them exchanged looks, as if they knew something you didn’t, and stood up.

“No problem, we just wanted to leave, anyway,” Sirius said. Next moment, he groaned all of a sudden, leaving you to raise your eyebrows in surprise. James bent down to whisper something in Remus’ ear who looked rather alarmed. He replied something in a hushed voice but James simply gave him a crooked grin, patted him gently on the shoulder and barely gave Sirius and Peter the chance to say their goodbyes before he pushed them towards the door. Playing with your sleeves, you observed them with furrowed eyebrows.

“Y’know, if it’s not a good time, I can come back tomorrow or-”

“Nonsense, the time is perfect,” James interrupted.

“Just make sure to be gentle with him,” said Peter in a concerned voice. “He’s been through a lot.”

Your frown deepened. “What do you mean?”

“Just a nasty flu, tha’s all,” said Sirius quickly, shooting Peter a warning glance. “Nothing to worry about. Give it a few days and he’ll be as good as new.” He turned to his friends. “C’mon, we best be going.” They shot you one last glance and Peter flashed a smile, then the door closed behind them, the sound echoing in the room, leaving you and Remus alone in the Hospital Wing.

You turned around to him and chuckled nervously. “Well, that did not quite go as I expected.”

Remus didn’t laugh. He didn’t smile. He didn’t give any indication whatsoever that he was happy to see you. He simply stared at you, his eyes shining like liquid amber.

“What are you doing here?”

“I missed you in class today. Here.” You placed the chocolate bars on the nightstand next to his bed. “A little something to cheer you up. Thought you could use it.”

Remus nodded weakly. “Thank you,” he muttered and watched you sit down on a chair.

You smiled sheepishly. “So, the flu, eh?”

Remus shrugged and pulled the blanket up to his chin. “Happens to the best of us.”

You took in his appearence with furrowed eyebrows. Remus was whiter than the bedsheets, his face was hallow, and his eyes, usually so attentive and full of warmth, were now dull. Dark bags circling them, and he looked very thin and weak. You doubted he even had the strength to get up.

“How are you feeling?”

Remus turned his head away from you and looked up at the ceiling. “I’m fine.”

You cocked your head. “And Dumbledore isn’t two-hundred years old.”

The corner of his mouth twitched. “I don’t think he’s quite that old.”

“How would you know? Do you know when he was born?”

“No wizard gets that old.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Dumbledore did. The man is ancient.”

This finally evoqued a smile from him which you couldn’t help but return. But he remained silent.

“You don’t really have the flu, do you?”

Remus’ head spun around, and although he hid it quickly and put on a neutral expression, you did not miss the flash of panic in his eyes.

“Of course I have the flu. What else should I have?”

“Remus, you’re as white as a ghost. The flu is terrible but it doesn’t make you look as if you’re on the brink of death.”

The moment the words left your mouth, you knew you had hit a nerve. Remus’ jaw clenched and his eyes suddenly turned colder. He turned his head to stare at the ceiling, avoiding the worried yet piercing look in your eyes.

“It’s a nasty one.”

You snorted. “Sure. Don’t try and fool me, Remus. I know a flu when I see it and whatever it is that you have, it’s not that.”

He didn’t respond.

You sighed, regretting the harsh tone in your voice. “Listen, Remus... You don’t have to tell me what you have or why you get sick so often. But... I just want you to know that I’m there for you if you ever do want to talk about it. And whatever it is – I can’t imagine it could change my opinion on you.” You gave your best to give him an encouraging smile and stood up. “You should eat some chocolate. You’ll feel better afterwards.”

You knew he wouldn’t answer but still lingered for several moments to a least give him the opportunity to. When your conviction proved to be right, however, you gave him one last half-hearted smile and left the Hospital Wing.

A part of you had hoped that after this incident Remus and you would grow closer but instead Remus was more determined than ever to avoid you. Every time you passed him in the hallway, you felt a painful sting in your heart. However, the original issue of Remus refusing to go out with you became less and less important to you although your crush on him grew stronger by each day.

Your academic success was quite average but you weren’t stupid – to you there was no doubt that Remus’s illness was the cause of all this trouble, also considering he often looked pale and sickly. Every time you saw him looking particularly weak, your wish to help him grew even more urgent than before but you could only help him with his condition if you knew what it was – and trying to get Remus to open up about his sickness was about as effective as convincing James of writing a love letter to Snape.

It was two months of this slow torture and several stupid theories later that you realised Remus’s sickness was not only a frequent but also regular occurence. As far as you remembered, he seemed to be getting sick every once a month.

A deep frown appeared on your face and you turned around in your seat to look at Remus who was taking notes on Professor Flitwick’s words. His face was pale again with dark bags circling his eyes. A strange cut peaked out from under his shirt collor.

As if he had felt your intent gaze, Remus suddenly lifted his head. For one moment, is amber eyes burned into yours, then his intense expression turned into one of guilt and he quickly looked back down at his notes.

That day you merely picked at your food, your thoughts far away. Your friend watched in concern as you ripped a breadroll into tiny little pieces without eating any of it, staring absent-mindedly onto the wooden table.

“(Y/N), are you alright?”

Startled, you looked up, halting in your motion. “Yeah, I uh...” You hesitated, looking at the breah crumbs in your hand. “Actually, I still got something to do, uh...” Pushing your plate away, you stood up from the dining table, your friend watching you in confusion. “I’ll catch you up later,” you promised and left the Great Hall before your friend had even opened their mouth to protest.

The library was dead quiet as every student was at dinner which was very much to your liking. That way you could follow your suspicions without having to worry about anybody asking unwanted questions.

Pensively, you let your fingers brush over the back of the old books until you finally pulled one out, feeling the weight of it in your hands. You viewed the cover thoughtfully for a moment before you tucked it under your arm and continued to collect more books.

Half an hour later, you carried a great stash of books out of the library, carefully transporting them the long way to your common room as they didn’t all fit into your bag.

“What the hell is that?” your friend asked incredulously as you entered your dorm room and let the books fall onto your bed where they scattered all over your blanket.

“Books,” you answered.

Your friend raised their eyebrows. „Really,“ they said blankly. „Good thing you explained that, I had no idea.“ You threw them an half-annoyed, half-amused glance as they strolled over to your bedside and viewed the book titles.

“Magical Diseases and Epidemics,” they read aloud, “Dragon Pox or Measles? An Encyclopedia on Magical Maladies.” They raised their head to look at you, their eyebrows raised so high they almost disappeared in their hairline. “Are you sick?”

“No,” you said, shaking your head, and started stacking the books on the nightstand, pushing your friend aside as you did. “It’s ... a new hobby.”

“A hobby?”

“Yes. That’s what you call an enjoyable freetime activity.”

“I didn’t know purulent dragon pox were an enjoyable free time activity.”

You threw her an annoyed glance as you put another book on the growing stack. “It’s an interesting topic as I have realised.”

“And you had to skip dinner to get those books?”

“Yes,” you said, avoiding your friend’s eyes.

You knew they didn’t believe a single thing you said but thankfully, they didn’t further inquire. Instead, they rolled their eyes and let themselves fall onto their own bed. “I always knew you were weird,” they said. “Just make sure you don’t actually get sick. I don’t fancy getting dragon pox.”

“No one is going to get dragon pox,” you replied, but a small smile was tugging at your lips. The two of you walked down to your common room to do your homework which, although you had quite some trouble concentrating on, you hurried to finish, so you could get back to your books.

Remus Lupin had a problem and you were determined to find out what it was.